Time Flies

Thread: Time Flies

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  1. Evei_B said:

    Default Time Flies

    Time flies like a leaf in the wind, Mom has fastly thinned, but those shadows never fade, they come and go as you walk into the shade, look what the rap world has made, everything I prayed has come true, there really isn't anything else I'd rather do, Screw the red and the blue, I'm as white as can be "thought I should share that with you", till I was thirteen I didn't know exactly what I could do, my family couldn't buy me a pair of shoes, I hung out with two different crews, didn't know what I was doing till I had to cut open cans of stew, didn't put a stop to it till I grew, cause I had a girlfriend I called my boo, she showed my kindness and we stuck together like glue, we walked around the zoo and I only saw one view, when we got we made a crazy concoction brew. Evei_B
  2. TheEmeighdy said:


    Overall, decent rap. Consider making refrain and more verses and adding an actual narrative. At this point, this is closer to poetry. The lines "till I was thirteen I didn't know exactly what I could do," and ,"my family couldn't buy me a pair of shoes," don't line up with their syllables. Consider making the first line I mentioned shorter or changing those 2 lines completely while maintaining the long u vowel sound. Good rap.