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  1. #1
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    Default What do you think about my lyrics

    Hello

    I wonder if somebody could help me to checkout out the lyrics I wrote for an original song.
    Mostly Im concerned about if it is "correct" english or if I use some sentence in the wrong way.
    Thanks.

    Summer is over today
    Tomorrow will be rain
    I wonder why you don't play
    I see you feel the pain

    You know it's only a game
    Dont feel no shame
    If I ruled the world and got a couple of wings
    Maybe I could fly

    There is a shadow always
    It follows all my steps
    I think I'll find it some day
    Will put it in my veins

    I think you look the same
    You never change
    Look I found a time machine let's take a trip
    Maybe till the sky

    For every step you go back
    You gonna be more young
    You didn't know at those days
    That you could lend some lung

    The gate has yet not closed
    Let's get inside
    If I owned a magic wand I would take you back
    Only for a while

    If I told you I can fly tonight
    Would you like to spend some time in paradise
    Hidden in the clouds over the rainbow

    Turn around and put your hand in mine
    Looking deeply into your eyes it's paradise
    Flying through the sky
    You don't need to be afraid you won't fall that's paradise

  2. #2
    Junior Member Emilie Turner's Avatar
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    very deep lyrics..but anyway in some lines I could notice features of free verse. Interesting combination)

  3. #3
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    well, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, 'but' it just reads like a load of mubo jumbo nothing makes sence, there's not even a story to follow here, go back to the drawing board gstrindberg! I'm sorry but I'm not into patronizing anybody but in all honesty it's pretty awful. I'm not out to hurt your feelings thats why I think honesty and truthfulness is the only way forward and to learn better methods of writing.

    jb

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