A song by me. Torn apart

A song I wrote today
It is perhaps a bit rushed and sloppy
which is the reason I'm posting it here
to be told what I can improve

Torn apart

Tearing apart the fabric
Of my made-up reality
I won't take all this sh**
Gonna break away from it
Don't know where to turn
Where to run when I am down

Want to be held in your arms
Protected from this cold world
Want to hear you heartbeat
A steady beat to calm my soul
Want to see the life in your eyes
Making me feel so alive again

One more
CHANCE!
To prove
MYSELF!
In your
EYES!

Taking it all away, why would you
I try my best to make you happy
It's not enough, it never is anymore
What could I have done different
You are scarring my soul as we speak (Replaced the old line)
****ing me up without your life
Breaking me down, beating me up
I'm down to my knees, praying

One more
CHANCE!
To prove
MYSELF!
In your
EYES!

In my life, I'll always need you here
In my loneliness, you are my cure
Inside me, you will always give life
Taking my life, without a second look

I'M DEAD!
I'M MAD!
I AM NOTHING!
I feel so sad...
Without you...

Another lyric (Though this one is not finished yet)
Better to add all my lyrics to one topic... or so I figured :P



Something is missing
Nothing is right anymore
I feel no hope, only despair
It's climbing up and down
My mind is breaking

Take it all away
Push me down
Hold my arm tight
Don't let me go

Hate is the name of my game
It's all fun and games for me
When I beat you up, it's for fun
I spit in your face, it's my game

This is our world
Blinding darkness
Deafening silence
Feeling lost inside
Broken bones and life
It's all in my mind, you say?

it works for me

id put

"One more
CHANCE!
To prove
MYSELF!
In your
EYES!"

as your chorus so probably after your first or second verse aswell need something in the song so that people can remember it

Hi there! I think that those lyrics for 'Torn Apart' are really good especially if you think they are 'a bit rushed and sloppy'. There are a couple of things i'd change anad thats only wording such as the line 'What could I've done different' stretching that to What could I have done different and 'Where to run when I'm down' to Where to run when I am down, I know that these aren't major differences but I think they'd fit better like that being elongated that little bit. There's one line as well and I don't know why but it doesn't seem to sit right, but this could just be the way that I am reading it and thats this line 'Tell me where I fail, don't just shut me down' but of course all of this is my opinion and I could be way off target lol! However I see no problems with it, I really like the lyrics and I think they give off a powerful message! Hope I've helped!

Joshido, I never even thought if that, but I believe it would work, even though it's not really my way of doing it, but it would make a decent chorus :P

SpudMunky, I must agree with your post, the wording would be better if I had stretched the lines, and about that 'misplaced' line, "Tell me where I fail...", I really don't know WHY it had to be there, it feels a bit misplaced.
Thanks for the feedback!

You're welcome glad I could help! Ah if you felt it had to be there then thats all that matters, but the line that you have replaced it with I feel fits better! Awesome!

I too felt the new line was better, tanks again.

A little something called G.O.D.


Days long since passed
Still play in my mind
Making me hope for a day
When it will all go away
No anger there
It is replaced by fear

You give me life!
You give me death!
Scream in my face!
Make me deaf!

Try to live a life
Without any love
It spares me fear
It spares me pain
But it's all in vain
Because I feel no joy

I've got it all!
Within my mind!
Break it away!
Breaking us up!

I've gotta go!
Or die...
Go!
Or die!