again...no title

i dont really like parts of this one...any help with revising would be awesome and much appreciated


there are tears in the rain (tears in the rain)
the night the moon felt all of her pain
because she wanted to be so full of light
just like the sun,(like the sun) shining so bright

and in the day, (in the day) she hides away (hides away)
behind a cloud, watching the sun shining so proud
wishing to shine just like that
wishing to shine bright like that

It’s like we’re fighting the sun with a flashlight
we’re fighting the sun with a flashlight
it’s like we’re counting the stars in the sky
but no matter how hard we try

we’re like the moon and stars in the sky
and no matter how hard we try
nothing ever feels right

It doesn’t matter how hard we try
because we’ll never be right (we’re like the moon and stars in the sky)
and we can’t win this fight (and it doesn’t matter how hard we try)
between the sun and the moon (because nothing ever feels right)
and who shines...

thisishowwe'lldancewhen,

there are tears in the rain (tears in the rain)
the night the moon felt all of her pain
because she wanted to be so full of light
just like the sun,(like the sun) shining so bright

Well, I like the first line. The idea is somewhat cliche, but you could probably figure out something interesting to do with it. The second line feels very awkward to me because the rhyme feels forced. I would have liked it a lot better if line 2 was similar length to the first line or didn't rhyme at all. However, the moon crying and the moon being a source of rain are both interesting ideas. In line three, I don't really understand who she is and why she wanted to be so full of light. You've told me the moon is crying, which is interesting, but the reason you've given me is vague and takes away the power of your crying moon image. In line four, "shining so bright" is cliche and seems like it was just thrown in there to rhyme with "light."
I just realized you may be talking about the moon itself as "her." When you say, "the night the moon felt all of her pain" it is unclear if you mean the moon or just someone who is in pain and the moon happens to feel that pain.

and in the day, (in the day) she hides away (hides away)
behind a cloud, watching the sun shining so proud
wishing to shine just like that
wishing to shine bright like that

Why does the moon want to shine like the sun?

It’s like we’re fighting the sun with a flashlight
we’re fighting the sun with a flashlight

This also is an interesting concept, but who is we? Is the moon the flashlight? I would say a flashlight has more of a sun-like glow, while moonlight is more like fluorescent lights in a grocery store or elevator.

it’s like we’re counting the stars in the sky
but no matter how hard we try

we’re like the moon and stars in the sky
and no matter how hard we try
nothing ever feels right

Who is we and what are they trying to do and why doesn't it feel right?! Ahhh!!

It doesn’t matter how hard we try
because we’ll never be right (we’re like the moon and stars in the sky)
and we can’t win this fight (and it doesn’t matter how hard we try)
between the sun and the moon (because nothing ever feels right)
and who shines...

If you want a reader of your lyrics to understand what is going on you need to be clearer. Try to find a way to explain your idea in a way that is lyrically interesting while also makes sense to a reader. If you are just looking for quick words to sing, then don't worry about actually saying anything, but if you are actually trying to communicate an idea try to make the idea understandable. Try starting over with the "moon crying and making rain" concept.

haha i know its cliche, and i hate cliches but i think i just started to write it cause i was kinda mad, and i guess it's kinda about jealousy and like the flashlight thing which i dont really like at all, is saying like trying to get ahead of someone who has it all, when you're stuck with nothing to support you....idk its very rough draft and like i said i dont like it very much haha, but thanks for replying!

Well, don't let what I said deter you from these lyrics. I liked yours the best of what I read, there is just room for improvement.