Hypocritical? Yes... The answer? No... (comment pretty please!)

Thread: Hypocritical? Yes... The answer? No... (comment pretty please!)

Tags: None
  1. Lucky me XIII said:

    Default Hypocritical? Yes... The answer? No... (comment pretty please!)

    Hope is what I see
    As I look around at all of the lost eyes
    And when
    I hear the lies
    As we’re flooded from the tears that those have cried
    And when
    A bomb drops
    As the screams decrescendo as there skin turns to dust
    And when
    I shake my head
    At the distrust that some believe is the solution
    When it’s not

    So I stand up as all your eyes fall on me
    My heart speeds up as fear makes a leash
    Around my neck it holds me down
    To the desk but I still speak out because, because, because

    Teacher that isn’t my opinion that is wrong
    It doesn’t take a genius to know that
    That is not the answer
    I’m not sure what it is
    It’s Hypocritical

    The kill trains leaving all a board
    Come watch as life is ended short
    These tracks are heading straight for war
    Hit the breaks before blood hits the floor

    I will speak up, speak up, speak up to you
    I will speak up, speak up, speak up to you
    I will speak up, speak up, speak up to you

    The missile is launched as we hold our tongue
    A man in camouflage shot some people with a gun
    In honesty I don’t think peace was won

    So I stand up as all your eyes fall on me
    My heart speeds up as fear makes a leash
    Around my neck it holds me down
    To the desk but I still speak out because, because, because

    Teacher that isn’t my opinion that is wrong
    It doesn’t take a genius to know that
    That is not the answer
    I’m not sure what it is
    It’s Hypocritical

    The kill trains leaving all a board
    Come watch as life is ended short
    These tracks are heading straight for war
    Hit the breaks before blood hits the floor
    Last edited by Lucky me XIII; 07-13-2008 at 09:24 PM. Reason: I finished it and corrected it
     
  2. Jester's Avatar

    Jester said:

    Default

    Very deep
     
  3. Unsettled & koRny's Avatar

    Unsettled & koRny said:

    Default

    Very nice.
    I like that a lot.
     
  4. HellBellsLiveWire said:

    Default

    My interpretation of these lyrics is that one person can stand up, let their voice be heard, and make difference. The way you deliver the message is very original and I like that. My only suggestion would be to be more specific in a couple parts, for example...

    "The missile is launched as we hold our tongue
    A man in camouflage shot some people with a gun
    In honesty I don’t think peace was won"

    I would change it to...
    'A man in camouflage shot a child with a gun"

    If it were my song I would change the verse to...

    "The missile is launched as we hold our tongue
    the last sound we heard was the sound of a gun
    The blood on the streets is the peace that was won"

    But its fine the way it is... good job!