2 songs with no title :p

ok there's this two unfinished songs I've got hehe and wanted to know what you guys think about them and give me tips on what to improove ando how ok? hey thanks!!


ok here's one (wich I think is the best hehe)

I thought you said that she was gone
Wipe away my problems dear I pray you
like the breese took her away ,
(now) in payback for all that we’ve done
fortune weel just turned arround.

For a long time she’ve been meanding in the sky
I ‘d like to quote myself again, yes she came back
Ohh but girl don’t you be scared,
peopple come and go so quickly in this place, yah they do.
So hang a smile upon your face, blow that sadness
Be that girl I knew once back in home

Yes I told you she was gone
Yes I told you she was gone and
I must admit that I was wrong
Eventhough she’s back you don’t have to be afraid,
Girl I said peopple come and go so quickly in this place


and the other one

ok this one is a little messy and it's missing some verse lines and so, just let me know if they're going good or bad, ohh and the outro is missing some lines too



Verse 1

And if you’re good enough to me, then take me out of here
for so long you’ve told me you felt the same way as I do
So if you’re good enough to me, you’ll take me out of here

chorus

This words denote my feelings so I hope you hear my song,
and forgive me if they ain¬t what you…. expected.
Forgive me if I’m not what you……. awaited
There`s some things that just
can’t change, so if you`re gonna do it,
Just go and run again.



Verse 2

I know you’re used to run away
And I won’t hold you back no,
I’ll let you run away
hoping that you’ll find,
trusting you will, yeah you will find what you were looking for

chorus

This words denote my feelings so I hope you hear my song,
and forgive me if they ain¬t what you…… expected.
Forgive me if I’m not what you…….. awaited
There`s some things that we can’t change, so if you`re gonna do it,
Just go and run again.


outro

Well now this door is opened and there’s nothing I can do,
So if you’re good enough to me, then take me out of here,
So if you’re good enough to me, then take me out of here,
So if you’re good enough to me, then take me out of here.


well that was it hope you'll like it hehe

oh I forgot, if you like the lyrics and think they are good and if you want I'll accept any lines you drop me hope I get some replies hehehe

ok can soemone tell me at least if they suck

Don't force peopl,e to rate them

ok sorry hehe
but I need an opinion coz I'm starting to make up songs and need lyrics for them, and if I suck at writting I'll just let someone else write them hehe

I would like to comment on the first song you have in hopes to improve it. I don't know if you will like but here goes nothing ^^

In this vurse

So hang a smile upon your face, blow that sadness
Be that girl I knew once back in home

Take out the line, "Blow that sadness" and just leave it at, "So hang a smile upone your face." or if you want to add at the end of this at the end, "Because that frown isn't you." It might work. Then rework the line under that and get rid of once back in home and if you want you could say this, "Please rewind back to that girl I once knew." So with the editing that I have done it would look like this. ------>

So hang a smile upon your face, because that frown isn't you
Please rewind back to that girl I once knew

If you like it you can totaly steal it ^^ just my opinion other than that I love it!

yay totaly gona steal it heh, I love'd that, thanks a lot really thanks