Untitled (Needs a title)

This is a song I just wrote today...I was supposed to write a poem for my 10th grade English class, but it developed into this, so enjoy. =)

[Maintain a steady, common beat]
She was lying on a hospital bed
Thinking back on the life she’d led
She knew that it was almost time
For her to leave this world behind
And as she slowly drifted off
She thought about a last few thoughts

Thinkin’ ‘bout the people that she’d called her friends
Thinkin’ ‘bout the life that she had lived
It made her laugh, it made her cry
But she was lookin’ forward to her last good-bye

Oooh (softly)

He was walking in a crowded street
Seeing people he would never meet
He wondered how life could be so cruel
And about how he’d been such a fool
Walking out on his kids and wife
He felt he could no longer live his life

Thinkin’ ‘bout the people that he’d left behind
Thinkin’ ‘bout the pain that he felt inside
He ran back home, back to his wife
Began to cry, “I want you in my life.”

Oooh Oooh (softly)

[Solo, a cappella]
Life is something we all too quickly
Take for granted, or take for nearly
[Music starts again, softly]
Nothing at all, or not enough
We put a smile on and act so tough
[Music gradually gets louder]
But God sees through our painted grins
He sees our pain, and He holds us in
His arms of strength, His arms of love
He looks upon us from above

[Music soft]
He will welcome us with open arms
And protect us from all life’s harms
Make us think about the life we’ve led
Make us think about the words we’ve said
It’ll make us laugh, it’ll make us cry
But it will bring us to our last good-bye
[Music fades out with words]
Our last good-bye…


What do you think? Any suggestions, comments, critique? lol I hope you enjoyed it =)

its a good one.. maybe a good title would be.. Our Last Goodbye

cheers..

I'm glad you liked the song, and I like the title that you suggested. I'll definitely consider it =)

I love it! the lyrics remind me of Don't Stop Beliveing. This is great though, a major step up from the last things you wrote!

Originally Posted by OmegaAlienLR

a major step up from the last things you wrote!

I thought you said they were good!! lol jk I'm glad you like it, and I think it's better too. =)

Any other comments?

It's real grand! A little sad as well as comforting. I particularly like the (first two) verses. And the "painted smile". That I don't like the rest has to do with me being an atheist, I just don't like religious stuff "stirred in" into pop songs.

A for the title I'd simply call it "last goodbyes" (just omitting the "our").

Great job, keep going

Bernd

Sayin goodbye-my last regret

Hmm I actually loved it until the point where you drag God in.
how about calling the song "End times/dying day"

I like the suggested title "Our Last Goodbye" fits it well.

By the way, GREAT song!!

Thanks everyone for the comments, it means alot. =D

I think I'm going to go with "Last Goodbye" for the title.

As for having God in it, I'm a firm believer and I try to have at least a little bit of it in what I write. But that's a personal conviction of mine, what you write is up to you. I'm glad you liked the rest of it, though. =)

Thanks again, and feel free to comment some more...hehe