Hey; i wrote a song, and i was wondering what you all think;

I haven't named it yet; but i wrote it for someone special;

Verse One:
She's a natural beauty, full of peace and full of love.
The only reason why the skies are blue, up above.
She's caring and she's daring and, she needs to see.
That I want that and I need that shes the one for me.

Chorus:
I'd give my life, just to see her smile, to hold her tight.
She means more to me than the sun shining, beaming high and bright.
I want her to notice she's the girl for me.
And there's so much together that we could be.
Forever, and always, you and me.

Verse Two:
She's the reason I'm the girl I am, to this day.
There's just so much she's helped me with, in so many ways.
I love her voice, her hair, an her eyes.
They're so honest and they tell no lies, always leaving me with butterflies.

Chorus:
I'd give my life, just to see her smile, to hold her tight.
She means more to me than the sun shining, beaming high and bright.
I want her to notice she's the girl for me.
And there's so much together that we could be.
Forever, and always, you and me.

Speaking:
I need your love to live, to breathe, You've taken over me.

- all criticism is well accepted.

Good try (well, not bad at all, a nice love long).

That I want that - that I want what?
I need that she's the one for me - "I know", or "I feel", but not: "I need"

Forever, and always, you and me - no good, it's either "she" (3rd person) or "you" (2nd person), the same applies to the last - spoken - sentence

She's the reason I'm the girl I am - I don't think a song lyric is a good idea for a coming-out statement, rather leave the gender open: "she's the reason I am who I am"

Anyway, keep going!

Bernd

In the chorus, try something like : "I'd walk all day just to see her smile ..." or "I'd cross the sea just to ..." To give your life seems overstated and injects a desperate note that I'm not sure you mean to convey.

Verse 1 and the chorus rock. Verse 2 is shaky...

She's the reason I'm the girl I am, to this day ...texter-bernd's right, leave the gender open.

There's just so much she's helped me with, in so many ways. ...Doesn't fit the rhythm of the first verse, take out "just"

I love her voice, her hair, and her eyes ... it's like a, "Huh?" moment. The first verse is very, very 70s-happy-ish. This is...just bleh. CHANGE IT.

They're so honest and they tell no lies, always leaving me with butterflies. ...This sounds even worse than the last part. It sounds like a little kid wrote it. "Honest and they tell no lies" is just wasting words because you've just said the same thing twice! How about, "She's so honest, I can't lie, she leaves me with butterflies"? Just a suggestion.