Ian Dury Lyrics

I am a big fan of Ian Dury and his lyrics and I will be putting quite a few of his lyrics on this thread, please feel free to add some of Dury's lyrics as well.

I will start with this one as it makes me laugh a lot.

Razzle In My Pocket

In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick.
South Street Romford, shopping arcade
Got a Razzle magazine, I never paid
Inside my jacket and away double quick.
Good sense told me, once was enough
But I had a cocky eye on more of this stuff
With the Razzle in my pocket, back to have another peek

Instead of being sneeky I strolled inside,
I put my thieving hand on something rude
I walked right out with a silhouette of nudes
'Hold on sonny' said a voice at my side
'I think you've taken one of my books'
Passers by gave me dirty looks
'Not me mister' I bravely lied

We stopped by the window of a jeweller's shop
'If it's money for your lunch, I'd have given you a loan
Have you got any form, were you on your own?
Round to the station and we'll tell the cops'
'I'm ever so ashamed, it was wicked and rash
Here's the book back, and here's the cash
I never stole before, I promise I'll stop'

'Crime doesn't pay, you've got honest eyes
If we go to the law another thief is born
And I'll get the book back, creased and torn
So return what you've taken and apologise'
I gave him back his nudie book
I said I was sorry, I slung my hook
With the Razzle in my pocket as the second prize

Some more Ian Dury & The Blockheads lyrics

Billericay Dickie

(spoken)
good evening i'm from Essex
in case you couldn't tell
my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay
and I'm doing very well

had a love affair with Nina
in the back of my Cortina
a seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener
she took me to the cleaners
and other misdemeanours
but I got right up between her
rum and her Ribena

well, you ask Joyce and Vicki
if candy-floss is sticky
I'm not a blinking thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
and i'm doing very well

I bought a lot of brandy
when I was courting Sandy
took eight to make her randy
and all I had was shandy
another thing with Sandy
what often came in handy
was passing her a 'Mandy'
she didn't half go bandy

so you ask Joyce and Vicki
if I ever took the mickey
I'm not a flipping thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
and I'm doing very well

I'd rendezvous with Janet
quite near the Isle of Thanet
she looked more like a gannet
she wasn't half a prannet
her mother tried to ban it
her father helped me plan it
and when I captured Janet she bruised her pomegranet

so you ask Joyce and Vicki
if i ever shaped up tricky
I'm not a blooming thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
and I'm doing very well

you should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been
the jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine

so you ask Joyce and Vicki
who's their favourite brickie
I'm not a common thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
and I'm doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse
kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness

my given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
I thought you'd never guess

so you ask Joyce and Vicki
a pair of squeaky chickies
I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie
and I'm doing very well

oh golly, oh gosh come and lie on the couch
with a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch

my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay
and I ain't a sloutch

so you ask Joyce and Vicki
about Billericay Dickie
I ain't an effin' thicky
you ask Joyce and Vicki
and I'm doing very well

Ian Dury & The Blockheads lyrics - Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick

In the deserts of Sudan
And the gardens of Japan
From Milan to Yucatan
Every woman, every man

Hit me with your rhythm stick.
Hit me! Hit me!
Je t'adore, ich liebe dich,
Hit me! hit me! hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick.
Hit me slowly, hit me quick.
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!

In the wilds of Borneo
And the vineyards of Bordeaux
Eskimo, Arapaho
Move their body to and fro.

Hit me with your rhythm stick.
Hit me! Hit me!
Das ist gut! C'est fantastique!
Hit me! hit me! hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick.
It's nice to be a lunatic.
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!

Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!

In the dock of Tiger Bay
On the road to Mandalay
From Bombay to Santa Fe
Over hills and far away

Hit me with your rhythm stick.
Hit me! Hit me!
C'est si bon, mm? Ist es nicht?
Hit me! hit me! hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick.
Two fat persons, click, click, click.
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!

Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me!
Hit me!
Hit me! Ow!
Hit me!
Hit me!
Hit me! hit me!
Hit me (x5)
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!