"The French Song" from Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know

This is a song from an off-Broadway musical that I am performing in. I need to know what the heck I'm saying because the translation in the script is made up for comedic effect, but I have to perform this as the straight-guy so I need to know what I'm actually saying.

Parlez encore je t'aime qui nois
presque o'u ten parla
et que san je t'aime etois
Je me dis que la ba
que morte fien.
Le discours est tres j'aime
Parlez je t'aime qui nois
Comprez nervous les quelles aime
Mettez vous sur vous nois
Mai tres l'amont.

Parlez encore je t'aime qui nois
et que san je t'aime etois
Je me dis que la ba
que morte fien.
Bien c'est la ba
Je t'aime etois
dites nous al me re
Je t'aime etois
parle de rimage nouvelles mois
et la moi
le discours est tres j'aime
Parlez je t'aime qui nois
comprez nervous le quelles aime
mettez vous sur vous nois
mai tres se l'amont.
J'ai tout dit!

It's in old French .. So it doesn't make any sense ! x)

Well are you totally sure about the spelling??
I know the verbs endings in "ois" is the "ais" from nowadays, but there are still some parts I'm not sure how to understand.

As for the global meaning of the song, it's about love & death when your beloved is far away (I guess but not 100% )
The last sentence is the only one I understand clearly: J'ai tout dit! = I said it all

The spelling is what's provided in the script. Whether or not it's accurate I couldn't say. I'm particularly having trouble with the word "nois." Is it "darkens" perhaps? Also the words "la ba" and "fien"

I swear I've never heard nor seen these words before ( Native French talking ) .
You made me wonder if I'm fluent enough in my own language LOL !

Seriously , it doesn't make any sense . "nois" doesn't exist , nor "fien" .
"la ba" could be "là-bas" , which means "over there" , but awfully spelt .

It looks like a poem written by a 6 years old ..
Actually even a kid wouldn't make so many mistakes .

It's impossible to translate nor to understand this text , sorry .

Here's a try anyway .
You're going to realize how weird it sounds .


Talk again , I love you qui nois
Almost o'u told you about it
& That without I love you etois
I think that over there
That death fien .
The speech is very I love
Talk I love you qui nois
Comprez nervous which ones love
Put yourself on yourself nois
But very l'amont .

Talk again , I love you qui nois
Almost o'u told you about it
& That without I love you etois
I think that over there
That death fien .
Well it's over there
I love you etois
Tell us al me re
I love you etois
Talk about wines of new months
& There me
The speech is very I love
Talk I love you qui nois
Comprez nervous which ones love
Put yourself on yourself nois
But very se l'amont .
I said it all !


Maybe you were sent wrong lyrics ,
I don't know whatever happened , anyway .. Waw !

I think for "nois" it's either to get drowned or to be born xD
"fien" euhh maybe "Sien" = his ??

Maybe it's meant to be "phonetic" I don't know .. The one who gave you this script, does he speak French??

The script that this comes from is not a French script. The rest of the show is in English, hence the title "The French Song" I beginning to think it's fake french. Another actor is speaking a comical interpretation in the background while I sing it. It's just hard to memorize lyrics in a different language without knowing what they mean. Looks like no one's going to know if I screw these lyrics up since they aren't real in the first place. Thank you so much for your help! The very dedicated translations you've all provided will be a huge help in making up something of my own.