Fussball - this song is pending for a complete german->english translation

sorry if my translation is weird, anyways my native language is Chinese and I'm just trying to learn some german. pls point out the errors, and pay attention to the "?" and answer my questions...

in the Party (why party? or game?) on last saturday
I stand on the playground again
I search for an adversary
with whom I still get a chace to win
the game is a typical "guest team game"
as always, we're facing losing the level status
as since years
I take my wife to go along with me

Auf 'ner Party am letzten Samstag
stand ich wieder mal auf dem Platz
Ich suchte einen nen Gegner
bei dem man noch 'ne Chance hat
Es war ein typisches Auswaertsspiel
wie immer gegen den Abstieg
Wie's nun schon seit Jahren
bei mir mit den Frauen geht

everytime, she stands in front of me
I think: now or never
I start to attack immediately
but can not get into the mood
the enemy's defence is too good
for many times I run to the back
and they make my on the position of offside
?????????

Jedenfalls stand sie irgendwann vor mir
Ich dachte: "Jetzt oder nie"
Ich ging sofort in die Offensive
doch ich kam nicht recht ins Spiel
Ihre Abwehr stand viel zu gut fuer mich
ich lief mehrmals hinten auf
Sie liess mich hart im Abseits stehn
ich stand ziemlich auf dem Schlauch

I tried again and again for a position
to go into their penalty area
chatted nonsense in the free area
and sometimes attacked them....???
at last, we made them tired
now, to break there defence line
and goal, win the point
is only a matter of time wohoo~

Ich hab immer wieder ueber die Seiten versucht
in ihren Strafraum reinzukommen
Mit leeren Spruechen in den freien Raum
und dem gewissen Drang nach vorn
Schliesslich habe ich sie muede gespielt
es war nur 'ne Frage der Zeit
ihren Abwehrriegel aufzubrechen
fuer 'ne Torschussgelegenheit - Wohoo~

then as on the textbook (why textbook...?)
comes my killing free kick ball
I have practiced for hundreds times
goal!
but later on
I was sent off the playground
because, it is said
I foul out
cos of too much alcohol?? (how come? is it satirizing something...)

Und dann kam wie aus dem Lehrbuch
mein toedlicher Freistosstrick
zu Hause hundertmal im Training geuebt
und souveraen versenkt
Doch ich bekam den Treffer spaeter
am gruenen Tisch aberkannt
weil angeblich ein Faulspiel
mit reichlich Alkohol vorlag

today there is no more great games
and nobody asks about that for a long time
for football, the most important thing now is
????
amateurish teams can win the champion
what level can it be
the fun of the ??? game
is lost for long... wohoo～

Heut geht's doch keinem mehr ums Schoenspielen
das ist schon lang nicht mehr gefragt
hauptsache das Ding geht irgendwie rein
mit Brechstangen-Fussball
Jedes Kreisligateam macht auf Champions-League
wo bleibt hier das Niveau?
Den Spass an diesen Gurkenspielen
habe ich laengst verloren - Wohoo~

You'll see that this song is playing with words, including the game and the lady mentioned in the beginning Hope these corrections and suggestions help you!

At a party on last saturday (Things don't always make sense ... the translation in this case is right! Oh, but no ... there's another possibility ... the word being "Partie" - game - I guess that's it!)
I stand on the ground again
I search for an enemy (sounds a bit better)
with whom I still get a chace to win
the game is a typical "guest team game"
as always, we're facing losing the level status
Just as it is the same
With the women for years now

Anyways, sometime she stood in front of me
I thought: now or never
I started to attack immediately
but could not get into the mood
the enemy's defence was too good
many times I ran to the back
and she made me stand on the position of offside
And I did not understand it at all

I tried again and again for a position
to go into her/their penalty area (Everything's still about the girl )
chatted with nonsense to the free area
And with my certain drive to get on
at last, I made her/them tired
now, to break her/their defence line
and goal, win the point
was only a matter of time wohoo~

then as on the textbook [Meaning that it was just perfect, like it's always written in the textbooks]
came my killing free kick ball
I had practiced for hundreds times
and I scored it confidently
but later on I was told
That the shot didn't count
because, it is said
I fouled out
With too much alcohol in the blood

today there it's not about doing great games anymore
and nobody asks about that for a long time
for football, the most important thing now is
To score, even working with a crowbar
amateurish teams act like champion league
Where did we loose the standards
the fun in these cumcumber games [Meaning something like: stupid, meaningless]
is lost for long... wohoo～

really interesting! understand it better!