Öölaps (est -> eng) - corrections please?

If people are willing to help me out here, I've been working on translating Estonian songs to English, but I'm not fluent yet so I'm making many mistakes. It's hard to find help with Estonian... so I hope people will be willing to look over some songs for me.

Öölaps ("Child of the Night")
~Jassi Zahharov & Nele-Liis Vaiksoo

Vahel keset ööd ma tunnen korraga kurbust
Ja nukker on mu meel
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma näen nii lummavat und,
Kuid siis kui üles ärkan keelab mind hirm
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma aina igatsen, ootan
Ja sel hetkel äkki haarab mind õud
Mõnel vaiksel ööl mind sünge pimedus lummab
Nii, et vastu panna puudub mul jõud
Kuulen kauget häält, mis kutsub mind

In the middle of the night, I at once feel meloncholy
And the sorrow is my mind
On some quiet night, I behold (something) said to be entrancing
But then when I awake, fear forbids me
On some quiet night, I just long, and wait
And in that moment, terror suddenly grabs me
On some quiet night, the pitch-black fascinates me
So, that against the (panna) my strength is absent ?
I hear a distant cry, which beckons me

Vabaks saab vaid loobudes, kui sa hülgad maise pinna
Ja märkad peagi joobudes, et sa maksid õige hinna
Hellalt kokku meid sulatab öö, taevas lennule lööb
Meid kannab üle tähtede ja kahtlused viib
Meid valguse eest kaitsvat varju kannab mu tiib
Sa oled ere täht, kes vaid öös vaid hiilatab
Mu südame kui säraküünla süütasid sa
Mind ootab ees elu pikk, sest ööst algab uus igavik
Sellest ööst algab kõik (igavik)

Freedom will be gained only while surrendering, when you abandon the mortal earth
And you'll soon find while drinking*, that you paid the right price
The night tenderly fuses with us, striking the air of heaven
The stars above bear us, and carry (our) doubts
My wing wears shadow, which seems to cover us from the light
You are a bright star, who is the only (one) in the night, the only one (hiilatab?)
You've ignited a [brilliant candle] as? my heart
A long life waits before me, for a new eternity starts from the night
From this night starts everything (eternity)

(*refers to drinking blood, I assume - this song is from the musical "Vampiiride Tants")

Kartsin kord, et südame ma kaotada võin,
Nüüd vist kaotan mõistuse ka
All tundemeri lai ja kuskilt ei paistagi maad
Kartsin kord, et armastus lööb segi mu pea,
Nüüd on segi kõik minu sees
Kuuvarjutus on see, kui maa seisab päikese ees

All the time I was afraid, for I could lose my heart
(As) now I've surely also lost my sanity
Beneath a broad [sea of emotion] and somewhere that doesn't appear... (like a country?)
All the time I was afraid, for love ("strikes my head & confuses me" - haha)
Now there is all confusion within me
This is a lunar eclipse, when the earth stands still in front of the sun

Mõnel külmal ööl näib nii,
Et põgenema pean su eest veel kuni suudan ma
Siis kui kutsud mind ma olen valmis kõike jätma
Olgu kas või põrgutuli me siht
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma näen, et tähti taevas süütab hingeleek
Mis särab silmades sul
Mõnel kaunil ööl ma annaks ära oma elu selle eest,
Et sind näeks koidikul
Kuulen kauget häält, mis kutsub mind
Igatsusest jalge alt kaob pind

So it seems on some chilly night,
That I must escape (yet again - until I can?)
When you beckon me, I'll be ready to leave it all
Whether or not we are bourne of eternal fire
On some quiet night, I see a [fiery spirit/air?] igniting the great sky/heaven
Which shines in your eyes
On some fair night, (...something about "my life to you" ?)
At dawn, I see you
I hear a distant voice, which beckons me
Yearning to (lose?) the surface from under my feet

(chorus, etc...)

All tundemeri lai ja kuskilt ei paistagi maad
Kuuvarjutus on see kui varjata tundeid ei saa

Beneath a broad [sea of emotion] and somewhere that doesn't appear... (etc)
This is a lunar eclipse, when I can't hide my feelings

Here is a version of first "salm", the way, i would translate this. If you like it and can grab something useful out of it, let me know, i will do the rest of this song too then.
Greetings to Estonia!

Vahel keset ööd ma tunnen korraga kurbust
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, i feel sadness
Ja nukker on mu meel
And i feel blue in my mind
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma näen nii lummavat und,
At some quiet night, i dream such enchanting dream
Kuid siis kui üles ärkan keelab mind hirm
But when i wake up, fear is forbidding me
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma aina igatsen, ootan
At some quiet night, i'm longing, i'm waiting
Ja sel hetkel äkki haarab mind õud
And at that moment, terror suddenly grabs me
Mõnel vaiksel ööl mind sünge pimedus lummab
At some quiet night, the gloomy darkness mesmerizes me
Nii, et vastu panna puudub mul jõud
in a way, that i'm too weak to struggle
Kuulen kauget häält, mis kutsub mind
I hear a voice from distance, that is calling me

Originally Posted by lollipop

Here is a version of first "salm", the way, i would translate this. If you like it and can grab something useful out of it, let me know, i will do the rest of this song too then.
Greetings to Estonia!

Vahel keset ööd ma tunnen korraga kurbust
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, i feel sadness
Ja nukker on mu meel
And i feel blue in my mind
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma näen nii lummavat und,
At some quiet night, i dream such enchanting dream
Kuid siis kui üles ärkan keelab mind hirm
But when i wake up, fear is forbidding me
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma aina igatsen, ootan
At some quiet night, i'm longing, i'm waiting
Ja sel hetkel äkki haarab mind õud
And at that moment, terror suddenly grabs me
Mõnel vaiksel ööl mind sünge pimedus lummab
At some quiet night, the gloomy darkness mesmerizes me
Nii, et vastu panna puudub mul jõud
in a way, that i'm too weak to struggle
Kuulen kauget häält, mis kutsub mind
I hear a voice from distance, that is calling me

Thanks for your help! This helps me to be able to say things better, understand Estonian better. Let's see... with your translation, how about this:

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I feel sad
And I feel blue in my mind
On some quiet night, I dream an enchanting dream
But when I awake, fear is forbidding me
On some quiet night, I'm longing, waiting
And in that moment, terror suddenly grabs me
On some quiet night, the gloomy darkness mesmerizes me
In a way that I'm too weak to struggle
I hear a distant voice, which beckons me

I think this sounds most natural in English, and stays with what is being said in Estonian.

What word does panna come from? I still can't figure it out.

I look forward to the rest of your translation!

Next "salm" is ready:

Vabaks saab vaid loobudes, kui sa hülgad maise pinna
You'll only be free by letting go of earthly ground
Ja märkad peagi joobudes, et sa maksid õige hinna
And when intoxicated, you'll see: you paid the rightful price
Hellalt kokku meid sulatab öö, taevas lennule lööb
The night is fusing us tenderly, the skies are striking to fly
Meid kannab üle tähtede ja kahtlused viib
We will be taken above the stars and doubts will go away
Meid valguse eest kaitsvat varju kannab mu tiib
My wing, that wears a shielded shadow, will protect us from the light
Sa oled ere täht, kes vaid öös vaid hiilatab
You are the bright star, that glimmers in the night
Mu südame kui säraküünla süütasid sa
You've enlighten my heart like a sparking candle
Mind ootab ees elu pikk, sest ööst algab uus igavik
I've got full life ahead of me, as this night leads to eternity
Sellest ööst algab kõik (igavik)
From this night it all begins (eternity)

I really appreicate your translations, because they're helping me out, but can you answer specific questions as well?

What are the roots of the words panna and hiilatab? Even with your translations, I can't find the roots of these in the dictionary.

Thanks again!

EDIT: Also, would it still be all right to leave joobudes as "drinking"? I think it implies "while drinking blood" because the song is about becoming a vampire. I guess it could also be "intoxicated", but it makes sense to me the other way...

Originally Posted by Lumekuninganna

I really appreicate your translations, because they're helping me out, but can you answer specific questions as well?

What are the roots of the words panna and hiilatab? Even with your translations, I can't find the roots of these in the dictionary.

Thanks again!

EDIT: Also, would it still be all right to leave joobudes as "drinking"? I think it implies "while drinking blood" because the song is about becoming a vampire. I guess it could also be "intoxicated", but it makes sense to me the other way...

Ok, I try to explain, but i might not be so good explaining it in English

panna = "panema" is the original word
in example: "panna ära" means "to put away"
the word panema goes like this: panema: panna (to put), panen (i put), pannud (i have put), pannakse (will be putted), pandud (is putted)
I really hope, this explanation makes sense to you.

"Hiilatab" is almost a synonym to "hiilgama"(shine, bling), but it means more like, that it does not shine all time, it shines only now and then, therefor i put there word "glimmers"

"Joomine, jooma" is drinking. "Joobuma" is to get high from feeling, from wine, from anything, that makes emotions higher, to get intoxicated, here, i put here a link: http://aare.pri.ee/dictionary.html?q...h=et&otsi=otsi

I truly hope, you got my explaining, as i am not good at explanations. )

I will translate the next salm to you by tomorrow,. Sorry, that it takes so long, but I got to run again now... See you tomorrow!

Originally Posted by lollipop

Ok, I try to explain, but i might not be so good explaining it in English

panna = "panema" is the original word
in example: "panna ära" means "to put away"
the word panema goes like this: panema: panna (to put), panen (i put), pannud (i have put), pannakse (will be putted), pandud (is putted)
I really hope, this explanation makes sense to you.

"Hiilatab" is almost a synonym to "hiilgama"(shine, bling), but it means more like, that it does not shine all time, it shines only now and then, therefor i put there word "glimmers"

"Joomine, jooma" is drinking. "Joobuma" is to get high from feeling, from wine, from anything, that makes emotions higher, to get intoxicated, here, i put here a link: http://aare.pri.ee/dictionary.html?q...h=et&otsi=otsi

I truly hope, you got my explaining, as i am not good at explanations. )

I will translate the next salm to you by tomorrow,. Sorry, that it takes so long, but I got to run again now... See you tomorrow!

Aitäh! Aitäh! Ma saan aru. A lot of things make sense now... I thought you explained very well. I see, panna gains a double "n" from panema... I bet this is why I couldn't figure out where it came from. And I see the difference with jooma and joobuma.

Also, we would just say: pannakse (will be put), pandud (is put).

Can someone please help me finish this song?

I am sorry, I was away for a week, I will help you finish this song, as i think, i am the only one who could help here with Estonian
I'll jump on my translating horse tonight, that is a promise to keep.

And here's the next salm for you. As always, use the parts, that are better, and trash the ones, you don't see fit. Now i run to work, but be back soon.

Kartsin kord, et südame ma kaotada võin,
Nüüd vist kaotan mõistuse ka
All tundemeri lai ja kuskilt ei paistagi maad
Kartsin kord, et armastus lööb segi mu pea,
Nüüd on segi kõik minu sees
Kuuvarjutus on see, kui maa seisab päikese ees

Once i was afraid, of losing my heart
Now I think, i'll also lose my mind
Down beneath is sea of feelings and there's no land in sight
Once I was afraid, that love will turn my head around
But now i've turned around inside
Eclipse of the moon is, when Earth is standing in front of the Sun

and here's a quicky with next salm, but now I really got to run. See you at evening.

Mõnel külmal ööl näib nii,
Et põgenema pean su eest veel kuni suudan ma
Siis kui kutsud mind ma olen valmis kõike jätma
Olgu kas või põrgutuli me siht
Mõnel vaiksel ööl ma näen, et tähti taevas süütab hingeleek
Mis särab silmades sul
Mõnel kaunil ööl ma annaks ära oma elu selle eest,
Et sind näeks koidikul
Kuulen kauget häält, mis kutsub mind
Igatsusest jalge alt kaob pind

At some colder nights it seems,
like i need to escape from you, while i still can
When you're calling me, I'm ready to leave all behind
Even if our destination is the hell's eternal fire
At some silent nights i see the flames of souls firing up the stars
The same fire is in your eyes
At some beautiful nights i would give up of my life,
just to see you at dawn of the day.
I hear from distance, voice is calling me
The yearning makes me lose the ground under my feet

All tundemeri lai ja kuskilt ei paistagi maad
Kuuvarjutus on see kui varjata tundeid ei saa

Down beneath is sea of feelings and there's no land in sight
Eclipse of the moon is, when you can't hide your feelings

..........................
I think, that was it, ?
If I have missed some verses, please do tell me, my dear Snow Queen

See on imeväärne, aitäh! Now I understand the parts I had trouble with, and with your corrections, I have this finished translation.

Võta heaks.
It was pleasant to translate, because this song got such nice words and great singer voices.
Come to visit this forum section again, if you need more Est-Eng translations!