Dark Side (Revised)

I took everyone's input they gave me before and hopefully improved my previous work, I would rather have a few really good sets of lyrics than a whole bunch of mediocore ones, enjoy!

I run away,
you hit the floor.
Your screams still ring inside my head.

Only if you'd just run away now,
go away so you're never seen.
then you'll see,
see the dark side of me.
Yeah, now you see ,
now you see the dark side,
the dark side of me.

Broken bones and bitter air,
you hit the floor.
how could this be?
how could you do this?
This terrible thing to me.

What is this thing inside of me?
It always brings me to my knees.
My knees
there's no emotion left inside,
From all the year's I've cried.

Time to hold on for the ride,
To kill or to hide,
That's up for you to decide

Darkness building,
(There's no turning back)
Nothing Shielding
(I'm on the attack)

RUN AWAY now before it's too late
the dark side is coming, it cannot wait
so run away, be let free
be free from the dark side of me.

Awesome bud. You brought out some pretty good choices for the revision. Keep it up, can't wait to see what else you've got!

thanks

bump, please comment

bumpppp

Lol, fine. No need for bumpppppppp. This is really good... Is that enough?

Nice lyrics!

Some constructive criticism:
The flow is great, however the constant repetition of words in some places I find to be a bit unnecessary.
You could substitute some of these words for 'darker' words, to really show the darkness in this song (at the moment it's a song about a dark person, without very much darkness).
I was also confused at the start where it sounds like it's the other person with the issues;
"Go away so you're never seen".

Hope this helps a bit.

thanks ill work on it

I see sicklad's point about "go away so you're never seen" but I intrepreted it as wanting that person to leave you alone, get out of your life or stop interfering, but keep watching ... as youshow a dark side that he/she won't like ... as if the dark side may never have come out, except for what that person did. Maybe I'm not understanding something right, but I like it just the way you wrote it.

i already wrote the revision to this thanks everyone