Slovo o čovjeku

Ako bi mi pomogao neko ko se razumije u arhaične izraze bio bih vrlo zahvalan.

Slovo o čovjeku - Mak Dizdar

Zatvoren u tijelu, zatvoren u koži.
Sanjaš da se nebo vrati i umnoži.
Zatvoren u mozak zarobljen u srce
U toj tamnoj jami vječno sanjaš sunce.
Zarobljen u meso zdrobljen u te kosti.
Prostor taj do neba
Kako da premosti?

Zatvoren u rebra zarobljen od srebra
I kad si viskan bjelji ni od sebra
Satvoren u tijelu zatvoren u koži
Sanjaš da se nebo sa tom zemljom složi
Otrgnut od neba žudiš hljeba vina
Al u domu tvome
Kad će domovina?

Zatvoren u meso zarobljen u kosti
Pa će tvoje kosti tvoje meso bosti
Otrgnut od neba želiš hljeba vina
Kamena i dima samo ima svima
Od te ruke dvije tvoja jedna nije
Jedna drugu ko da
Hoće da pobije?

Zatvoren u mozak zarobljen u srce
U toj tamnoj jami vječno zoveš sunce
Sanjaš da se nebo približi i vrati
Tijelo se kroz vlati u pijanstvu klati
U žilište slišćen zatvoren u krvi
U tom kolu bola
Potonji il
Prvi

U tom kolu bola ni potonj ni prvi
Igrište si strvi i ročište crvi
Zaplijenjen od tijela greb za sebe djela
Kad će tijelo samo da
Postane djelo?

Moj pokušaj:

A letter about man - Mak Dizdar

Locked in flesh, enclosed in skin.
You dream that the sky returns and multiplies.
Locked in your brain, entraped in your heart.
In that dark cave you eternaly dream of sunshine.
Trapped in meat, crushed into these bones.
That distance to the sky
How can you bridge it?

Locked away in ribs, entraped by silver.
?/And when you viskan even whiter than silver./?
Locked in flesh, enclosed in skin.
You dream of the sky meeting with the earth.
Uprooted from heaven you carve bread and wine.
But in your home
?/When will the homeland come?/?

Locked away in flesh, trapped in those bones.
And so your bones and your flesh gore you.
Uprooted from the sky you want of bread and wine,
Only stone and smoke are there for all.
Of these two arms, one is not yours.
Each other as if
They want to kill?

Locked in your brain, entraped in your heart.
In that dark cave you are forever calling the sun.
You dream that the sky, comes close and returns.
The body swings drunkenly trough the grass.
In sinews devoured, trapped in blood.
In this circle of sorrow
Last or
First.

(Ova strofa mi je najmanje jasna što se tiče tačnog značenja: )
In this circle of sorrow neither last nor first.
You're the playground for vultures and feast for worms.
?/Confiscated by your body to scratch himself works/?
When will the body alone
become an act?

I definitely love your translations!


I kad si viskan bjelji ni od sebra -- > I have no idea what is viskan?
?/And when you're viskan not even whiter than silver./?

Kad će domovina? -- > znas kako se kaza - kad ces kuci? so maybe something along these lines:
When will you go back home?

Zaplijenjen od tijela greb za sebe djela
?/Trapped by your body seize deeds for yourself
Kad će tijelo samo da postane djelo?
When will the body itself become a deed?

Thanks.

I guess there are not many people around who could help with ancient bosnian/slavic words. My best bet is probably to find the whole book translated. Which should be interesting: I'd really like to see how someone more skilled got trough with translating this.

Kad će domovina?
I thought the meaning was obvious- when will you prioritize/take care of your homeland, be a patriot. I just couldn't find a way to phrase it without making it sound unwieldy. It's very possible that I'm wrong with that, tough.

?/Trapped by your body seize deeds for yourself
Maybe: Trapped in your body which seizes deeds for itself.

Kad će tijelo samo da postane djelo?
This could have a multitude of meanings, depending on how poetic you are willing to get. I think "djelo" has a slightly different meaning in the poem than it has usually.