Something I wrote

Something I wrote, give feedback please, anythig would be nice.

so oblivious to the pain she causes me,
The sound of her soft voice so sweet,
That bitter person I'm starting to be,
The main thing Im trying to beat.

It's hard to fight,
When the opposition is so strong,
We used to be so tight,
But I've been working too long.

All the anger and pain,
Bottled up inside,
I just want to go along a different lane,
I just wish this half had died.

It got worse,
I thought it was over,
And again it is worse,
It will never be over.*

I don't know how much longer I can go on,
I know I want to,
But maybe this is a battle that can't be won,
I fear there's not much left I can do.

It brings me to tears,
I feel helpless,
All these fears
Im scares of that feeling she may confess.*

She says not to worry,
But she can't seem to get him out her head,
Late night calls, relentless texting,
As I lie thinking in bed,
*
I wish shed stop and say sorry,
*but then again, why worry?

She says he's a friend,
There's been similar things before,
why do I still wonder if it's coming to the end,
I really don't want to anymore.*

I call it an Obsession,
It looks like it to me,
She says it's just cause he's new,
But how many new's are there gonna be?

I hate to bring it up, I don't want to hurt her,
But I just find it hard,
That butter person I'm starting to be,
The main thing im trying to beat.*


Say anythig please.

hiya..
it's really nice. good jod =)

Originally Posted by rentorix

Something I wrote, give feedback please, anythig would be nice.

so oblivious to the pain she causes me,
The sound of her soft voice so sweet,
That bitter person I'm starting to be,
The main thing Im trying to beat.

It's hard to fight,
When the opposition is so strong,
We used to be so tight,
But I've been working too long.

All the anger and pain,
Bottled up inside,
I just want to go along a different lane,
I just wish this half had died.

It got worse,
I thought it was over,
And again it is worse,
It will never be over.*

I don't know how much longer I can go on,
I know I want to,
But maybe this is a battle that can't be won,
I fear there's not much left I can do.

It brings me to tears,
I feel helpless,
All these fears
Im scares of that feeling she may confess.*

She says not to worry,
But she can't seem to get him out her head,
Late night calls, relentless texting,
As I lie thinking in bed,
*
I wish shed stop and say sorry,
*but then again, why worry?

She says he's a friend,
There's been similar things before,
why do I still wonder if it's coming to the end,
I really don't want to anymore.*

I call it an Obsession,
It looks like it to me,
She says it's just cause he's new,
But how many new's are there gonna be?

I hate to bring it up, I don't want to hurt her,
But I just find it hard,
That butter person I'm starting to be,
The main thing im trying to beat.*


Say anythig please.

I don't like the word "thing"... Maybe you'd want to rephrase that? It just isn't very professional, if you know what I mean, but nice work

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For some reason it reminds of of Sting's poetry...