Crucified by Karma (!!!!!REVISED!!!!!!)

I would like to start off by thanking everyone for there constructive criticism not only on this song but on my other songs as well. I took all the comments and revised this song, I changed some of the words subtracted and added some as well. Hope you like it

Side note: the text inside the (brackets) will be sung by a back up vocalist or dub over


You strive
to take
the very last bit of me
(I don’t know how much more I can stand)
All you do
devour
desolate
defile me
(Im void to the realizations at hand)

Step down……

Blindfully
walking through
my existence
With the notion,
that I’m in
control (control)
I’ll blissfully
step off my cross
As soon as you
take responsibility
for what you’ve
bestowed (bestowed)

Step down
Step down
Step down
Step dooooooooown....

{chorus}
So I set myself a blaze
absolve myself of this divine decree
Scorching tainted flesh (from my body)
To leave
nothing in its wake but me

Step down....

What part
must I play
(When no matter what I do You still take it away)
What part
must We play
(When no matter what We do You still take it away)

Step down....

How much more
can one person take
Before I step down (from my cross)
To shove it
back in your face
How much
can we take
Before we step down (from our cross)
To shove it
back in your face

Step down, step off, step down, my cross
Step down, step off, step down, (our cross)
Step down, step off, step down, my cross
Step down, step off, step down, (your cross)

{chorus}
So I set myself a blaze
absolve myself of this divine decree
Scorching tainted flesh (from my body)
To leave
nothing in its wake but me

You presume
you took
the very last bit of me
(You can’t even comprehend the precipice in which I stand)
Outrage
wrath
rampancy fuel me
(looking silently witnessing realizations at hand)
I will obtain
ascendancy
of my existence
Spit in karma’s embrace
I’ll blissfully step off my cross
And shove it
right back in your face

Step down, step off, step down, my cross
Step down, step off, step down, (our cross)
Step down, step off, step down, my cross
Step down, step off, step down, (you lost)

Step down
Step down
Step down
Step dooooooooown....

{chorus}
So I set myself a blaze
absolve myself of this divine decree
Scorching tainted flesh (from my body)
To leave
nothing in its wake but me
So I set myself a blaze
absolve myself of this divine decree
Scorching tainted flesh (from my body)
To leave
nothing in its wake but me

You've got some great imagery here, however I think that your choice to make some of the lines so long takes away from the flow of the words, specifically the last verse before "Step Down......". However, it may be perfect for the music that you have set up. All in all, I'd say this is a damn good effort. Keep it up, I'd love to see what else you've got!

I would like to start off by thanking everyone for there constructive criticism not only on this song but on my other songs as well. I took all the comments and revised this song, I changed some of the words subtracted and added some as well. Hope you like it

Side note: the text inside the (brackets) will be sung by a back up vocalist or dub over

Im guessing this is a heavy metal song? good rythem..but im not ito the heavy punk stuff