RAP LYRICS comments please? new of 6th-10-10

Hi everyone,
I made this rap just a little bit ago and its just about things so far that has happened to me about a place that i'm staying at until December and that is when i grad highschool and move on to college. if you could give me any advice on this and any comments positive or negative that would be great. doing so will help push me. and another thing the word again is not pronounced a-gen its pronounced A-GAIN in my rap. thank you for your time.

[Verse 1]
It was March 24th of twenty-ten
Who would have known my old life would soon end
Tricked by a person who you should always trust
My Mother my friend a realtionship to rust

A plane ride to short came to this little state
Something was wrong something quite straight
I knew i had to trust this feeling that stuck in my gut
But was i wrong? Man i dont know so i closed that gate shut

I soon arrived at this home a place of unknown
My mom dropped me off and drove off left me on my own
Confused and alone not sure of what to do
I had to soon think of a plan to pursue

[course]
Who would betray such a lonely girl
Who would leave her off in a down beat world
She yells for help but no-one hears her cries
She sits alone in this place and slowly dies inside
But she gets up and moves on a thing she used to do
It's something that she'll have forever a remaining tattoo
For a 17 year old she grew up pretty fast
She'll soon find something in this world that will surely last

[verse 2]
Still here 6 months later
Being ruled by a dictator
I gave up so much thats a part of me
My brother my sister friends and family

I gave up something huge such a sacrifice
Someone here please help me i need some advice
I thought i had friends turns out i was wrong
Because when i went back home they were all gone

I only had a few friends true friends that stuck by my side
Turns out they stuk with me even when i tried to run and hide
I wish i could thank them in person you see
But i'm here far away from home all alone suffocating undersea

[course]
Who would betray such a lonely girl
Who would leave her off in a down beat world
She yells for help but no-one hears her cries
She sits alone in this place and slowly dies inside
But she gets up and moves on a thing she used to do
It's something that she'll have forever a remaining tattoo
For a 17 year old she grew up pretty fast
She'll soon find something in this world that will surely last

[verse 3]
I was told by a lawyer to see my family that that would never happen
Not even if i wanted to not even now and then
I replay my siblings words again in my head
I swear i'm going crazy i see 'em and hear 'em but they dont stay they disapeer instead

"Leanne come back home we love and miss you so but do you even care?
Your missing me grow up sissy where were you for my birthday i just wanted you there."
"I'm mad at you sissy you left us all alone
Left us all alone in this big ol' brand new home
You promised that you'd be here no matter what
But instead you just threw us out like a ciggerate butt"

NO! THATS NOT WHAT IT IS! I swear im doing this all for you
I'm working hard to graduate it's something i pursue
I leave and graduate in 12 weeks cant you wait for me?
Why should we leanne like you said all you want is your degree

[course]
Who would betray such a lonely girl
Who would leave her off in a down beat world
She yells for help but no-one hears her cries
She sits alone in this place and slowly dies inside
But she gets up and moves on a thing she used to do
It's something that she'll have forever a remaining tattoo
For a 17 year old she grew up pretty fast
She'll soon find something in this world that will surely last

Hi there,

just read your message on my profile, so I thought I'd come and check it out ... It's not bad at all, but I can't tell from just one rhyme. So do u have any other lyrics online ?

I have more in a box at my house that i can put up later is that cool?

Yeah, sure !

okay i'll message you when i put them up! (:
thanks!

Love it = )

hey m8 its LILAusti3 finally got back on here and saw ya message so a thort ad check you out i think its smart not bad at all

(: thanks ((::