Midnight Sun

Thread: Midnight Sun

Tags: doug denslowe song
  1. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

    Cool Midnight Sun

    Stairs lead to Nowhere
    Clock just struck 13
    Have you lost your mind
    Or something in-between

    Your skin begins to crawl
    You feel about to scream
    Is this really happening
    Or just a twisted dream

    Tick-Tock
    Goes the clock
    Midnight Sun
    Has begun

    Foot prints going backward
    Leading up the wall
    Are you in the middle
    Or about to fall

    Walk up to the mirror
    Then you start to stare
    Wake up in your bed
    Were you really there

    2001
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 08-06-2013 at 09:54 PM. Reason: To date this piece
     
  2. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Super, super, superb!!!! Now THIS is quite E.A.Poe-ish . . . or Alan Parson's Project on Poe-ish!!
     
  3. mexico62 said:

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    Hi Dough, this has really a good rhytm and you know that I love rhymes, as Frankie J says, the story is the job of a great brain. I hope you find someone who puts music on it, cause I see you ask for that, it could be successful lyrics for a pop or rock tune, Thanks for sharing I enjoyed a lot.
     
  4. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Doug, I've shared "Midnight Sun" on the "Poetry - General" thread to highlight it. Hope you get more hits and reads on it, because it's good. (Also more comments!)
     
  5. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    I've posted songs on this site (In Sunny Mexico)but as you know,the Replies aren't as numerous as on Lyrics Review.Thank you for shining new light on a poem I both wrote and like.
     
  6. jessie zuppo's Avatar

    jessie zuppo said:

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    Wow, Doug!! This is your first poem that is esoteric! This really exemplifies your ability to diversify your writing. I am able to do this as well- but it took me years!! I also studied it in school. Like I've said before, you do have a gift. This poem, if it were a movie, would be like "Clockwork Orange"- totally bizarre, cult classic, and edgy...2001- awesome!!

    I also see in what ways you have softened some of the rough edges of your poetry. In this poem, you seem to let the words flow similar to water out of a faucet...a 'stream of consciousness" (google it, and William Faulkner while you're at it) which is a preference of mine.

    Your later work is much more controlled and story-telling- both are equally as strong!

    love ya,
    Jess
     
  7. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Thank you Jessie!This is one of my favorites.I'm glad I Emailed it to you for Comment.(you didn't think she just "looked" up my work did you?)That's why she give me Replies,I ask for them!
     
  8. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessie zuppo View Post
    Wow, Doug!! This is your first poem that is esoteric! This really exemplifies your ability to diversify your writing. I am able to do this as well- but it took me years!! I also studied it in school. Like I've said before, you do have a gift. This poem, if it were a movie, would be like "Clockwork Orange"- totally bizarre, cult classic, and edgy...2001- awesome!!

    I also see in what ways you have softened some of the rough edges of your poetry. In this poem, you seem to let the words flow similar to water out of a faucet...a 'stream of consciousness" (google it, and William Faulkner while you're at it) which is a preference of mine.

    Your later work is much more controlled and story-telling- both are equally as strong!

    love ya,
    Jess
    Jessie/Doug,

    This is one of the best critiques I've read. Not only enjoyed Midnight Sun immensely, but Jessie's comment every bit as much!
     
  9. jessie zuppo's Avatar

    jessie zuppo said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine View Post
    Super, super, superb!!!! Now THIS is quite E.A.Poe-ish . . . or Alan Parson's Project on Poe-ish!!
    omg, EXACTLY like Poe- great comparison Frankie! That deep darkness just leaps off the screen and embraces you- you can feel the words, you can visualize the agony. The enigmatic and cryptic nature of this work is what really attracts me to it! Doug has allowed the reader to interpret his work based on their life experiences and varying opinions of what this stanza means, etc..Again, a perfect example of the versatility of Doug as a writer.
     
  10. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Ditto, Jessie. What can I say? Same critical minds think alike, certainly on this topic!
     
  11. BackInBlack's Avatar

    BackInBlack said:

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    I love this poem. I've always liked off the wall, strange thought provoking writing, whether it be song lyrics, novels or poems. Great piece.
     
  12. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Absolutely. Would like to see more Poetry, Doug!
     
  13. Eccer's Avatar

    Eccer said:

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    Ah yes, dark stuff Doug. I think I liked this piece way back, but now the button seems to be removed from this site =/ What impresses me is your tight rhyming scheme, and how rhythmic every single piece of yours is! Even when it's poetry!
     
  14. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eccer View Post
    Ah yes, dark stuff Doug. I think I liked this piece way back, but now the button seems to be removed from this site =/ What impresses me is your tight rhyming scheme, and how rhythmic every single piece of yours is! Even when it's poetry!
    Agreed!
     
  15. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eccer View Post
    Ah yes, dark stuff Doug. I think I liked this piece way back, but now the button seems to be removed from this site =/ What impresses me is your tight rhyming scheme, and how rhythmic every single piece of yours is! Even when it's poetry!
    Thanks Eccer,I appreciate the feedback!I'd "Like" it,if I could!
     
  16. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine View Post
    Absolutely. Would like to see more Poetry, Doug!
    See "Clickety Clack".....it's a follow up to this poem!