My true colours - let me know what you think

VERSE 1:
Rumours has it I'm a loony looking for a noony
In a place of the heart I have sweet fanny Adams
New highscore! Finally scored tonight! Then she is dumped
Breaking her innocent heart without remorse of course
Is that a shitty dream? They already labelled me
Although, dear madam, you don't know me from Adam
I'm not grumpy! It's my bumpy road-life of macadam

CHORUS:
It is all because my true colours will be shown
To a lady clear as crystal, dear queen on throne
In a blaze of her hazel eyes like in a looking glass
Find myself and tell her: Look, my heart, your name on, it has!

VERSE 2:
Everyone has got heart that longs for love, even soiled dove
Having my heart broken many times in manner curt
And deserted that's why it is empty like a desert
No one wants a truth aching as wisdom tooth
Can't deny, this song-motherhood and apple pie
Everyone root for a bombshell, so one thing I'll tell
Oh hello ladies! Don't be so suprised, please! That's my way.

CHORUS:
It is all because... etc.

BRIDGE
You've learned me to be like Chuck Norris
f--k you all kindly and don't be sorry
Have a knife instead of flowers
Just to survive for years, not hours!

Is english not your first language? Some bits don't make a lot of sense, like "Everyone has got heart that longs for love, even soiled dove, Having my heart broken many times in manner curt"

Well, it doesn't play a role if I am a native speaker or not...
"Everyone has got heart that longs for love, even soiled dove, Having my heart broken many times in manner curt"
Hmm I can't quite follow you which particular part is meaningless?
Everyone has got heart that longs for love => hmm Everyone wants to love and to be loved
Even soiled dove => soiled dove in transitive sense means prostitute.
In manner curt => in a curt manner.

As you mentioned above English is not my first language but this mistake was intended.
Well the reason is prosy.... I needed a rhyme for "desert" so I've made a crappy inversion...


Are there any other mistakes that escaped my notice?
But what you think about whole thing?
Is this so crappy? Or is it quite let it say "passable" xd.

No one want to give me some advice?

As Tracy-Turnblad said, without the proper use of English grammar, some lines do not make sense.
For example: "You've learned me to be like Chuck Norris"
The correct phrase would be "You taught me to be like Chuck Norris"
Example: "Rumours has it I'm a loony looking for a noony"
"Rumour has it I'm a loony looking for a noony" or "Rumours have it I'm a loony looking for a noony"
"To a lady clear as crystal, dear queen on throne" "To a lady clear as crystal, dear queen on a throne"

I would be grateful if you could corret all mistakes that I have made and show me how to write it properly.

Originally Posted by jonahmerchant12

this is actually funny. but good in a different kind of way.

Hmm Funny?? But funny in positive way?

I would say don't force rhymes. You can still make a song flow without it actually rhyming. Sometimes it's good to have a word that cuts the flow for a nice emphasis on that particular word. "Having my heart broken many times in manner curt
And deserted that's why it is empty like a desert" Could be "Having my heart broken many times in a curt manner
Then deserted, that's why it is empty like my mansion." or something like that. Anyways, don't force rhymes if it's going to make the whole line sound grammatically incorrect and make the flow difficult.

"In a blaze of her hazel eyes like in a looking glass
Find myself and tell her: Look, my heart, your name on, it has!" I don't know what you want to do with this one, but it's confusing. Could you maybe explain the simile of "like in a looking glass"? I'm not following it at all. Though what I get out of this one it could be written similarly to "In a blaze of her hazel eyes as if through a looking glass
Find myself and tell her: Your name's on my heart all of life class." Of course I don't know how you want it to flow so the syllables are probably off.
Good luck

Originally Posted by swap

"In a blaze of her hazel eyes like in a looking glass
Find myself and tell her: Look, my heart, your name on, it has!" I don't know what you want to do with this one, but it's confusing. Could you maybe explain the simile of "like in a looking glass"? I'm not following it at all. Though what I get out of this one it could be written similarly to "In a blaze of her hazel eyes as if through a looking glass
Find myself and tell her: Your name's on my heart all of life class." Of course I don't know how you want it to flow so the syllables are probably off.
Good luck

Hmm actually you guess the meaning correctly. It's not confusing at all as you see. It's just my terrible English ;P
But what the phrase "all of life class" means?

life class, when I was writing I was thinking about a class in school. Though it would mean the class of life, which would mean life. Since you're always learning life's a "class" so to speak. What I meant by "all of life class" was all of his/her life. I tend to use confusing metaphors :P but it's just an idea that I'm throwin out there. You should write what you want to.

Originally Posted by swap01

lI tend to use confusing metaphors :P

As you noticed.... me too!!