need review plz and fast for new song

there she was
standing there
looking good
at the fair
i knew right then
in that moment
i couldnt control it
i let it go

i felt excited
overjoyed
i was ready to comply
then i felt
a sudden rush
i couldnt control it
i let it go

Chorus
i just want someone to bone
is it that hard
to say your my own
im just looking for a little play
come with me, we can do it your way

we went on
the scary ride
she held me
very tight
we walked around
i made my move
i couldnt control it
i let it go

it was all good
until she said no
my mind went blank
and it started to show
i really messed up
so she left
i couldnt control it
i let it go

chorus x2
into fade

its about a girl who you met at the fair and really just wanna sleep with and you get your chance and mess up hardcore hope you enjoy...todays special

How old are you exactly?

I'm guessing 10 by those lyrics

No I'm 15, I and alot of other people think those lyrics are hilarous, also I'd like to see you come up with multiple syllable rhymes like that, until then save your weak insults, and also I challenge you to find another 15 yr old who can make as good multiple syllable rhymes as me




Yes I'm the master blastin ur chest, with my fists
U hear laughter when I bash u to death, little bich (LOL) just joking I love to freestyle so I did

Jesus wept, internet threats eh?

Check check 1, 2, 1, 2
Life sure nhas been hard to you
givin' you the skill you profess to be true
but in reality you ain't got no clue...

Try your best to threaten people on the inter...
net, bashing people virtually like Jeff Minter
Bigging yo'self up never going down
talking about yo' sperm like some dumb a** clown.

You rhyme are like John Cenas but we can see you
you're 15, we think you're younger... Is this true?
as even at 15, I could spell "bit*h",
you spell it "B-I-C-H" an axe that made B.C *ahem* Rich.

I've put you to bed but I won't kiss you goodnight
Just leave the rapping to the big boys and stop posting sh*te...

...Word.


I'm a 30 year old heavy metal fan who's sp[ent the last 26 years playing some of the best drums of his life (some days the best drums of anyone's life)... I also listen to Public Enemy, Run DMC, Ice T, NWA, Sugar Hill Gang, Grandmaster Flash... Hip hop artists that were or were associated with class Emcees and rappers so I do know hiphop..

What I'm trying to say is: Hiphop for shjock value isn't a good thing, it's a niche genre and if you want to get noticed, have a message in your rhymes like Chuck D, Run or DMC did...

Oh and a little tip, I know you were joking but unless you're going to carry them out, don't threaten anyone on the internet, you'll just look silly.

and also I challenge you to find another 15 yr old who can make as good multiple syllable rhymes as me

A lot of people if you go to Detroit or Philidelphia or London.

Oh dear another angry teenager

Might i suggest you try a touch of Muse and Radiohead with some Rammstein thrown in as well .. explore all types of music at your age

I am not a Rap fan but can appreciate it .... i like a good beat

Aren't crumpets British?

Yeah your right but european **** is expensive.

<sarcasm>

man u r so write!

the fukin guvermint just takes are crumpets wile they send are ppl 2 there oil war so they kan make $$$!

im only 16 but FUK AUTHORITY! FUK THE GOVERMINT!

</sarcasm>

Is HTML off or something? My sarcasm command won't show up. Oh well, you get the point.

Originally Posted by Clockwork

<sarcasm>

man u r so write!

the fukin guvermint just takes are crumpets wile they send are ppl 2 there oil war so they kan make $$$!

im only 16 but FUK AUTHORITY! FUK THE GOVERMINT!

</sarcasm>

Is HTML off or something? My sarcasm command won't show up. Oh well, you get the point.

This is classic. I can't agree more. haha. Eff the police. haha

Originally Posted by Clockwork

<sarcasm>

man u r so write!

the fukin guvermint just takes are crumpets wile they send are ppl 2 there oil war so they kan make $$$!

im only 16 but FUK AUTHORITY! FUK THE GOVERMINT!

</sarcasm>

Is HTML off or something? My sarcasm command won't show up. Oh well, you get the point.

Okay, this is rediculous. If you're going to try to make yourself look all big and mighty by making fun of people for no good reason, at least learn how to spell!! I'm not saying I'm the best speller in the entire world, but I'm not typing stupid remarks. At least you spelled are right oh no, wait a second.. thats the wrong type of "are!" For the future, you ment to say OUR, O-U-R.

Originally Posted by music fanatic

Okay, this is rediculous. If you're going to try to make yourself look all big and mighty by making fun of people for no good reason, at least learn how to spell!! I'm not saying I'm the best speller in the entire world, but I'm not typing stupid remarks. At least you spelled are right oh no, wait a second.. thats the wrong type of "are!" For the future, you ment to say OUR, O-U-R.

OMG thank you so much. That was original. If you weren't at a computer i would give you a high five and you would always be on my side.

hahaha thank you