The Friend

Thread: The Friend

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  1. Katie13's Avatar

    Katie13 said:

    Default The Friend

    Yes. I'm listening.
    I'm the Secret Keeper,
    The Listener, the Friend,
    I'm the one you call,
    When things draw to an end,
    Your tales enthral me,
    I'm excited to hear,
    Every detail you wish
    To disclose, my dear,
    Don't mind me, carry on,
    I won't go away,
    I'm here when you need me,
    Whether night or day,
    Should you be in doubt,
    Should your faith fall,
    I'm ready with an ear,
    At your beck and call,
    I don't mind, not a chance,
    No, never fear,
    For you, my friend,
    I'm always right here.
    Last edited by Katie13; 07-28-2012 at 02:10 PM.
    "If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, I'd hide somewhere faraway..."
     
  2. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Katie13: I really like your poem! Very nice rhyme, tempo, but of course, especially, the meaning. Your friends must be fortunate, because you could not/would not have written this poem unless you yourself really felt this way!

    Sometimes I'm a punctuation freak (but you wouldn't know it from some of my own writings, which contain errors!).
    May I make one suggestion to keep your meaning very clear (about confidentiality)? Removing the comma from this line:

    Every detail you wish,
    To disclose, my dear,


    will keep anyone from mistakenly reading the line in the sense that something would be "disclosed" by the listener.

    Such a little thing. But your poem is so good, this minor 'comma deletion' keeps your entire "confidentiality" theme in tact!!

    Thank you for sharing this poem. It is a poem I would show to others. May I, as long as I let it be known it's yours?
     
  3. Katie13's Avatar

    Katie13 said:

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    Thanks, Frankie Jasmine! I'm never sure whether or not to put commas in places so I just tend to... stick 'em in I shall remedy this shortly.
    Of course you can show people - I have no problemo with that
    "If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, I'd hide somewhere faraway..."
     
  4. spake said:

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    Very succint and rhythmic, good use of line breaks.
     
  5. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Very cool.From me,the biggest complament I can give,Cool,very Cool.Ice cube Cool.
     
  6. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said:

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    Yeah that's it Doug. Ice Cube Cool.

    Hi Katie, it's been a while. This flows so well in form and thought that I'm gonna label it elegant.
    It's nice to see you've still got the artist's touch
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame
     
  7. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    The "heart" of this reminds me a lot of what someone told me not so long ago, as we were fast becoming best friends and almost as rapidly realizing that we were soul mates. Ofc i believe that this is on that same level and its written so very nicely, i have to say that i love it to the point that i wish that i had written it myself it's really beautiful!
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  8. mexico62 said:

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    Hi Katie13, your poem is full of pure friendly feelings, we can see how honest your words are. I haven´t feel this beautiful friendly warm since I listened the old old song "You´ve got a friend". So you did something very difficult, to refresh the love that is not waiting for anything else but give. Thank you and congratulations this is a master piece made from a friend to a friend. that kind of friendships are forever.
     
  9. dark1979's Avatar

    dark1979 said:

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    Thank you... Nice feelings...
     
  10. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Why didn't you name this Secret Keeper?It's more unusual,yet appropriate.Just wondering.
     
  11. Katie13's Avatar

    Katie13 said:

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    Hi, guys, and thank you so much for your positive feedback!!
    Doug, I named it the Friend because that is always the nature of my friendships - the one who knows everything, but will never tell
    "If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, I'd hide somewhere faraway..."
     
  12. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    I keep coming back to re-read this.Absolutely love this,still think Secret Keeper is more well suited.But,hey,I wouldn't be me if I didn't tell you the truth!In any case,this is in my Top 10 Favorites of the Site.You're a brilliant writer,I love to see some song lyrics if you ever decide to write some.(Make that a Request!!!!)
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 08-09-2012 at 01:02 AM. Reason: Im a Secret Keeper........shush!!!!!
     
  13. Katie13's Avatar

    Katie13 said:

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    Well, I actually started on here in the Lyrics section ~ I've got way more songs up than poems!! Some good, some... not so good :P Thanks, Doug, and glad you liked it!
    "If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, I'd hide somewhere faraway..."
     
  14. amaryn's Avatar

    amaryn said:

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    Great and honest way in describing what friendship means to you and what others have to expect from you

    Carry on , Katie. And me, as a musician am certainly also interested in songs you've written. Then again, a lot of songs are pure poetry too!