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Thread: First post - a few sets of lyrics

  1. #1
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    Default First post - a few sets of lyrics

    Hey guys, really glad to be here. Awesome that there's a website like this. I'm pretty much here to improve on my lyrics writing, and read some awesome lyrics that you guys might have. I have some stuff write here and was looking for some feedback and constructive criticism...don't expect too much, but here ya go! Thanks!

    1.
    I’d guess you’d call em lyrics, but I haven’t sung in days
    It’s not that I don’t wanna, my voice just doesn’t raise
    Weighed down by…
    A sound like…
    Oh my god it hurts to hear
    To pretend that…
    And suspend that…
    Belief wont get you far, without keys, without a car.
    When challenging your programming, know winnings a ways away.

    2.

    Humid day on the horse’s trail, but the choices you made keep my legs pumpin, legs pumpin, legs pumpin
    Amusing now: the next time I’m hear I can’t find any stars for us to gaze at, when feelings finally feeling warmer, warmer, warmer, underneath your porch light.
    But I don’t mind the crooked steps pinch my spine, laying back I feel two separate reds attempt to thrust their way in my eyes.
    Head down, I felt your mothers arm envelope me- like she’s my own, she says it’s gonna get better. It’s gonna get better.


    3.
    Fingers can’t dance with strings, misconception that my voice would one day bloom
    Enough reason to save my world from the inside of my room


    Scratch marks swallow the page, give reason to the questionable white
    And I swear we’d all be fine if I could find this last line.

    Spent years filling notebooks, disguised as a doodle
    Self involved stories lending uncatchy hooks.
    If I was the man I write, I might understand that the stories tell themselves.

    Well c’mon try and mimmick me now, the lyrics smeared, dark, and dripping from the check to the brow.
    Part of me laughing, should I be disgraced, that the words on the paper resemble my face?


    I guess some of these might be hard to understand as everything I write is very personal to the point where I'm not comfortable straight up explaining the situation, but if anyone really wants to know, I'd be happy to explain the meaning behind any of them...

  2. #2
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    1 is ok
    2 I don't like it
    3 AWESOME
    check out some of mine PLEASE

  3. #3
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    theyre good i guess

    please read mine and review


    its called Young Hearts



    Darkness everywhere
    The world isn't fair
    Bombs going off somewhere

    Sadness creeping into young hearts
    Because of war and death
    Makes you forget of all the good times once shared

    And people live in fear
    Because of the men with guns
    No one will ever be the same again
    Oh, who is the one to blame?
    (For this?)

    Soldiers will feel the effects of war
    Civilian's will wear the consequences
    A nation will lose it's pride
    The world will have nothing to gain
    (At all)

    Sadness creeping into young hearts
    Because of war and death
    Makes you forget of all
    The good times once shared

    It's always sad to see a child all alone
    Crying over their mother's dead body
    A sense of sadness in society
    Are you so cold hearted to let the war go on?

    Sadness creeping into young hearts
    Because of war and death
    Makes you forget of all
    The good times once shared

    Darkness everywhere
    The world just isn't fair
    Bombs flying everwhere

    [END]


    copyright 2009 luke haze

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