Envy [2/7 Posted Sins]

A perfect angel, they all have said
A golden halo hovering over her head
Grace every time she steps onto the floor to walk
Tact every time she opens her mouth to talk
A flawless face, resembling her porcelain wings
A charming smile with dimples so deep
Swaying lightly, she takes the floor!
An observer so hidden, watching in wonder

Staring at her with ivory eyes,
A green beast lingers on her heart
No matter how hard she tries
This watcher can't find her way
To the center of the dance floor
Gripping so tightly onto this war
She's determined to break, break, break
The masquerade's little bit of perfection

From beneath the shadows, she will rise
Shattered glass stinging as she cries
The divine one moving ever so gently
The observer flaring up, embers sparking so bright
As all the boys stop to watch, peering in wonder

Staring at her with ivory eyes,
A green beast lingers on her heart
No matter how hard she tries
This watcher can't find her way
To the center of the dance floor
Gripping so tightly onto this war
She's determined to break, break, break
The masquerade's little bit of perfection

Screams swallowed up in this angel's throat
As the observer lurks closer and closer
The fire in her eyes dancing like sparks across the water
And slowly this envy has taken over
The ivory burnt up, as the flawless hits the floor
Her mouth gaping open as blood drips down
A river of hatred and grudges covering the knife
Impaled she lies, in terror the other cries
Her mission finally completed, the light concealed
An empty door for an empty soul

Staring at her with ivory eyes,
A green beast lingers on her heart
No matter how hard she tries
This watcher can't find her way
To the center of the dance floor
Gripping so tightly onto this war
She was determined to break, break, break
Just to feel important for a second
To know the power she could hold

[copywritten to Kate Aldrich]

I think it is very good. I love the opening verse but lines 3 and 4 are a forced rhyme. Also, I believe it would flow better with fewer personal pronouns. Try something like the following:

A perfect angel, they all have said
A golden halo hovers overhead
Grace follows wherever she walks
Tact flows whenever she talks
A flawless face, complements porcelain wings
A charming smile with dimples so deep
Swaying lightly, she takes the floor!
An observer so hidden, watches in wonder

However, the rest of the poem is "plagued" by numerous shifts in (rhyming) styles and structure which make it difficult to read aloud and/or follow. I would suggest matching the flow of the first verse (and watch your verb tense shifts too).

Ehh... I like my way more, but thanks for the suggestions. Honestly, I didn't really even realize I had a rhyme in the third and forth lines until I read it myself.
It's not as if I've got it set to music yet. It's only a rough draft, after all. But I like my way of writing. I don't really care if I rhyme or not. It's not as if all songs just go through constant rhyming or constant... not rhyming.