So Impure [Feedback Please]

Thread: So Impure [Feedback Please]

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  1. sicklad said:

    Default So Impure [Feedback Please]

    A bit of a change from what I usually write (on the odd occasion that it happens). This is more of a creepy love story. The protagonist goes completely unnoticed by this person. His mind sometimes makes him believe what is happening is real, but it's really just his desire taking control of his thoughts.

    So impure
    Your looks fill my
    Unadulterated mind full
    Of sweet desire

    Feel my whisper
    Fall on deaf ears
    Feel my rough skin
    Wipe away your tears

    It’s just that I
    Can’t understand why
    You feel this desire to
    Slip away

    Across the circle
    I feel your eyes
    Too far from you
    Can I come out from where I hide?

    The fire inside me
    Shrivelled coals in here
    It’s hungry desire
    To feel no fear

    It’s just that I
    Can’t understand why
    You feel this desire to
    Slip away

    Gasp in the soft air
    Feel it feed your mind
    Calm beneath the surface
    My hearts desire

    It’s just that I
    Can’t understand why
    You feel this desire to
    Slip away


    Feedback please
     
  2. sicklad said:

    Default

    Bump.
     
  3. sicklad said:

    Default


    Nobody?