Love inside the heart

... OH!! GOD !!! THIS FREAKIN' FLU!!! ... ... I am upset because this weekend I was planning to move into this other appartment I've got ... ... but I am still stuck in this "ROOM" that has become my "CELL" for over a year now ...

... I wish I had the money RIGHT NOW ... to leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... go to the place that would feel ok to become the ME that I YEARNED and YEARNED to be ... !!!!! ... ... OH! who am I kitting !!! ... I am not as young as some people are to have dreams to hope for ... ... ...

At MY age ... you have dreams that you consciously know what they take to happen ... and it is NOT about money ... ... !!! ... ...
Alas !!! ... I have "stept off the cliff" ... too many times ... ... ... I KNOW what it takes to do that ... ... and I am simply NOT sure if I have any of THAT left in me ... ...

LOL ... Life is SO ironic !!! ... When you are "young" ... you can take ANY risk imaginable ... if ONLY you had the money ... LOL ... When you are "older" and "finance" is NOT an issue ... it is about "if ONLY you were "young" ... !!! ... LOL ... ... ... Yap! ... life's tricky that way ... !!! ...

I have "runned" away once this year, now I have to remain in my new "cell" for a while.. Untill my head gets clear again...

And in my case, money isn't my biggest worry (no I'm not rich or anything, lol), but if I HAVE IT IN ME. It's so many "what if's" and I don't really believe in myself to do anything edgy. I'm actually thinking "only if I were old", hahahah

... LOL ... ... please, do NOT misunderstand !!! ... there is NO WAY I would like to go back and "re-live" my life ... unless I was able to KNOW the things I know NOW ... ... ... I am extermely glad I am of this age !!! ... FINALLY, in a "place" wher I am comfortable" to be "me" ... without all the "anxiety" of "what are they gonna think of me?" ... "should I be like this for people to like me?" .... OH GOD! the aggrivation !!!... ...
Where I am, ... I am "settled with myself" ... ... I can "walk-in" and "walk-out" and "carry myself with dignity" where ever I may go ... ... It's great to reach this age ... ... LOL ... maybe it is even better further down "the road" ... "Universe permitting" I keep walking ... ...

That's why I wish I was older.. not that I would chose to jump 20 years... lol

... you are a "lovely", "young lady" omorfi mou ... !!! ... you have already done "WONDERS" in your life ... believe me, I have seen more than you and what you HAVE been doing is "GREAT" !!! ... ... very well done !!! ...

... things will "become" ... for you ESPECIALLY ... "beautiful" things to come ... enjoy your "present" ... it is NOT by "accident" it is called "THE PRESENT" !!!

... no matter what !!! ... be in your "present" !!! ...

GOD! ... LOL ... listen to me ... LOL ... I sound like a "Grand-parent" ... sitting by the fire ... giving "advice" to "grand-children" ... LOL ...

hahah.. well I try to live in my "present", but I'm not doing it very well unfortunately...

but at least I breathe!!

... you know ... at YOUR age ... I was at my final year of my BA in England ... had been there since I was 17 ... !!! ... WHAT a "young thing" I was ... !!! ... Found a picture of my last grade at school the other day ... !!! ... I saw that "young person" ... and that made me "smile" SOOOO much ... ... like "seeing" an "old friend" after many many years !!! ... ...

By the way, omorfi mou, you are the "latest addition" of my "lovely people" ... and DON'T think it is a BIG list ... !!! ... you can count "my lovelies" in the one hand's fingers ... !!! ... SO... NOT that many ... indeed ... !!! ...

Originally Posted by omorfi

but at least I breathe!!

You just said a "mouthfull" ... !!! ... You don't realise how important THAT is ... !!! ... I am NOT kidding you either !!! ...

ALWAYS REMEMBER TO BREATHE !!! ... ...

... by the way, kan jeg ask what er "dreamer" in Norwegian ?!? ... ...

heheh, 17 that was young indeed... at 17 we aren't even finished in high-school here..

dreamer is "drømmer"...

Originally Posted by omorfi

heheh, 17 that was young indeed... at 17 we aren't even finished in high-school here..

dreamer is "drømmer"...

... well, actually it is the same here in Cyprus ... however, after the war of 1974 ... (you probably know that we were invaded by Turkey in the Summer of 1974, at which time they occupied half the island ... still the case today ... and segregated the Cypriots for GOOD ! ... i.e. what MYSELF calls "Greek-speaking" Cypriots about 80% ... and "Turkish-speaking" Cypriots about 18% ... the rest of the "Cypriot" population is "Latin" and "Armenian" ... ... ofcourse, since then, they brought in Turks from Anatolia to "alter" the population scales ... as you may have realised a person born THEN ... is well-over 30 years old and considered a Cypriot too ... !!! ... ) ...

ANYWAY ... after the war, because there were SO MANY REFUGEES and MISSING persons and everything else BAD the war ALWAYS has ... they decided to take "younger" children to school ... so that they could have a place to be and have something to eat ... ... and so, MY generation got "lucky" like that and went to school at 5 ... !!! ... and since my birthday is in August ... I had finished "high school! at 16 ... and in September at 17 ... went off to Oxford ... ...

Thanks for your little "history" lesson there...

Of course I have heard about the invasion, but mostely because I have been in Cyprus and from tv. Can't recall hearing anything about it in school.

What was the school situation before this?? No school???

I finished high school at 18, but most are 19 (I'm born late you know... hehe).

... ... school before 1974-75 AND after ... has been the same ... you would go to school at 6 years of age ... ... ...

... and "yes exactly" .. you are born TOO late (hint, hint) ... ... LOL LOL ...

By the way, omorfi mou, is this getting too late now ? ... I mean, do you need to go to bed ?!? ... maybe something to do early tomorrow morning ?!? ... ...

... what is "jealous" in norsk ? ... ...

hehe...

Well I'm off to bed soon as well...

Jealous is "sjalu".

Anyway guess I will leave before you...

God natt og drøm søtt

See you!!

... God natt min skjønne ... ..

And have a nice day as well.....