Sharing The Good Old Times

(Currently my first song post on here...yeah, no duh right? I was bored, but really pissed off because of my heartbreaking end to a relationship. So I wrote this during my English class which actually calmed me down, but when people read this, they didn't know what to think at all. Some said it said it was scary in a deep way. Although I just wanted to see what you guys had to say. Thanks for reading and enjoy.)

(verse 1)
what's the probability that there will be a fatal mistake?
consequently my dear, second chances don't exist
I hear the terror escaping through your precious lips
nothing will help you this time around
so don't shed your fake tears upon the ground

(chorus)
compose melodies of true reality
congratulations on confessions
the vows have been broken
we settle on unfinished tears

(verse 2)
with this in mind I declare
that tomorrow will be nothing more than a dream
the painting of your heart still beating
but where's all the love?

(chorus)

(verse 3)
misconception dwells with gleam in this moment of horror
carving the last words with my hands in marble
let this be the last waltz
for then you dance on air for your traitorist acts
horripilation occurs when you realize what you've done

(chorus)

(verse 4)
every promise was cried off at the last minute
justice strikes your pleas of forgiveness
come forward and you'll see what's really on my mind
welcome to my unsavory tomb of what used to be me
now you've just waken up a sleeping giant

(outro verse)
bite the wounds and you'll see what I've become
just wait and see what happens when you do
I thank you for the change
I thank you for the change

i really like this, and i can totally relate to the reason to write it. One thing, although i like the word choice, i might take out horripilation only because i think a lot of people wouldnt know what that means, and i dont really like big words in the songs i listen to. But other than that little detail, i really like where it is going, and i do definitely think it is deep. One other thing is you might alter the chorus a little each time you go through it, like dont use the exact same words and exact same phrasing each time. Just a little changin it up in there might work out well. Otherwise, great job. I look forward to reading more from you.

I like this as well. Good job. I can totally relate to the "heartbreaking" relationship. Im finally over mine, took a year. lol.

But anyways, great job. This may not sound too great to you, but going through a tough break-up usually makes GREAT writing material.

Originally Posted by Ghost

i really like this, and i can totally relate to the reason to write it. One thing, although i like the word choice, i might take out horripilation only because i think a lot of people wouldnt know what that means, and i dont really like big words in the songs i listen to. But other than that little detail, i really like where it is going, and i do definitely think it is deep. One other thing is you might alter the chorus a little each time you go through it, like dont use the exact same words and exact same phrasing each time. Just a little changin it up in there might work out well. Otherwise, great job. I look forward to reading more from you.

Thank you so much for your input. Yeah, there are some parts where it was hard for me to choose some words since it didn't go with the flow, so basically I went with one of the weirdest words ever. xD Also, I will take the change of chorus a little bit because I do know what you mean and that kind of kills the song in my opinions. So again, thank you very much and surely I will post some new material soon!

Originally Posted by GlennB.

I like this as well. Good job. I can totally relate to the "heartbreaking" relationship. Im finally over mine, took a year. lol.

But anyways, great job. This may not sound too great to you, but going through a tough break-up usually makes GREAT writing material.

Aww! Man, feeling that is basically like the worst thing a human being can ever feel. Oh! Well, I kept on thinking that when I write stuff from heartbreak and all, it would be labeled as "emo" or something in that sort. Anyways, thank you so much for your input and reading!

One thing i've also learned is that when someone labels your song "emo," just say, well yes my song has a lot of emotion, but it definitely is not all about how i hate life and i want to cut or cry in the dark or anything. but thanks for listening! usually most people will just be like uhhh, sorry... Idk it seems to work for me.