Goodbye

VERSE 1:

He waits outside pacing in a line
Hoping to god that everything will be fine
The doors open and the doctor said
We regret to inform you that your wife is dead

CHORUS:

Goodbye comes round way too early
See you later comes way too soon
Why is life in such a hurry?
Like the sun eclipse the moon

VERSE 2:

There's still presents with your name
Christmas this year wont be the same
Now the dinner table set for one
Open the window and creep in the sun

BRIDGE:

His tears like the deep blue sea
He says "How could this happen to me?"
All he wants is for this to be over
The last thing he said was "So much for a four leaf clover"

i like it how you come up with this, using people for he or she and make it like a story, it's very unique i must say, i want it to b longer, so long that i will turns blind from reading it. lol

He waits outside pacing in a line
Hoping to god that everything will be fine
The doors open and the doctor said
We regret to inform you that your wife is dead

=> too direct, makes it banal

Like the sun eclipse the moon

=> "eclipses" - if at all (the idea's not bad, though)

There's still presents with your name

=> "your"? You problably mean "his"

creep in the sun

=> creep into (maybe "in" would be okay in the US)

The last thing he said was "So much for a four leaf clover"

=> that makes the whole lot ironic, if that's what you intended you can forget my criticism as for the first verse.

At least it's mainly correct English. Which makes it actually stick out ;-)

Bernd

Originally Posted by texter-bernd

He waits outside pacing in a line
Hoping to god that everything will be fine
The doors open and the doctor said
We regret to inform you that your wife is dead

=> too direct, makes it banal

Like the sun eclipse the moon

=> "eclipses" - if at all (the idea's not bad, though)

There's still presents with your name

=> "your"? You problably mean "his"

creep in the sun

=> creep into (maybe "in" would be okay in the US)

The last thing he said was "So much for a four leaf clover"

=> that makes the whole lot ironic, if that's what you intended you can forget my criticism as for the first verse.

At least it's mainly correct English. Which makes it actually stick out ;-)

Bernd

if i changed almost anything in this song,then nearly the whole story would be ruined.the first verse is fine how it is, because that starts off the story and u automatically know what the main character is going through.you feel his pain almost.its mainly for visual sake.and yes i did mean for it to be ironic.when i write i try to be witty and clever with my words.

would like it if it was longer but still it is good =)

Originally Posted by .showmethelove

would like it if it was longer but still it is good =)

yeah, not many people like a 7 minute song though.would make a decent book though.