Windows On Worlds

We wrote this together. I got the first verse and an idea for 2 or 3 lines that follow, but then I asked for help and this is the form and also the substance that came from...the three of us bcs my Dad also helped to finish 2 lines in the 3rd verse
The meter may seem to be a confusion of heptameter and half-lines, but as I began writing i was also thinking about Emily Dickinson's "I had no time to hate, because."



Windows on my world, colors of my life
Today they're pastel swirls, tomorrow black and white
Waking to a dream, every day I have with you
Nothing's as it seems; but all I see is true

Nothing's what it seems, although everything's in place...
But I live on borrowed dreams, so how can I feel safe
Its only when you're near me so that I can see and touch
And quell the fear of losing what I need so very much

Fighting not to lose, from one moment to the next
Clouds are mirrored views that my faltering heart reflects
I say we shouldn't fear yet still I question it as true
Until the moment's here and I'm again alone with you

Windows to your world are the colors of my life
Sometimes they're pastel swirls; sometimes black and white
But all the time we have, is of brilliance like the sun
Bending back the shadows until our last day is done.

Tess,

This is absolutely beautiful. I have not one constructive criticism. I can't express how good and beautiful it is. The only thing I make a small request about is this for my sensibilities: The poem is so beautiful that "altho" should be spelled out. This poem is as deserving as any of the Queen's English.

<3 <3 <3

I thought this site was for amateurs,this sounds like a professional poetic wrote this!!!I hate to sound like a sycophant(a word I just learned today)but this is some incredible writing!!If Frankie J.can't give you any constructive criticism.......I guess you've succeeded!!!Outstanding effort,my friend,I may quit writing after reading this!!!

Tess - 75%
Dad - 12.5%
Moi - 12.5%

I'm as blown away as you guys are. This gal truly has a poet's mind and heart. Other than that, I'm speechless.
Frankie, yeah you're on the money with that observation, and I'm sure she'll do just that as soon as she has a chance to tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!

Doug: No you'd better not stop writing, coz I'm always looking for good sources of material to steal from

I thought it might be good to include part of Tess's inspiration for this one, at least in the mechanics. She had me read it so I could get a solid grip on her idea. I've wrapped the lines of Dickinson's original to match Tess's arrangement:

I had no time to hate, because the grave would hinder me
And life was not so ample I could finish enmity.
Nor had I time to love, but since some industry must be,
The little toil of love, I thought, be large enough for me.

-Emily Dickinson

Originally Posted by Teshka

[i]
I'm again alone with you

Windows to your world are the colors of my life

Thank you so much Teshka, for sharing us this beautiful poem!!!!

Thank you SO MUCH Frankie and Doug and dark1979!!!! I still have no idea where it comes from bcs just 1 or 2 months ago i could not have written more than 3-4 lines if someone held a gun to my head!

Moooooooooooon you know that those numbers are not even close to being accurate and yes i do know exactly where it comes from <33

Don't think about the "how" too much babe, coz it's just FM ^-^ and there's no real explanation as to how it works <33

Moon asked me if i could spell "although" <33

I do not know if I can say
what I want...

Now I have it clear for Theska´s inspiration: when you give love you get love back. Continue in love and continue writing this wonderful material that make our days beautiful, and Thanks to MoonRide*r* for encouraging you to write, and to your dad for helping you too.

Originally Posted by dark1979

Thank you so much Teshka, for sharing us this beautiful poem!!!!

Originally Posted by dark1979

I do not know if I can say
what I want...

You said a lot the first time in a few words and i appeciate it very much, you're welcome and thank you

Originally Posted by mexico62

Now I have it clear for Theska´s inspiration: when you give love you get love back.

YES!! that is SO TRUE! at least when you find the right person...and ofc that is SO IMPORTANT.
I just posted another song in "moods" that has these 2 lines, and i think that it defines "giving and getting back" in an especially beautiful way...this is from the song Touch Me by Tom & Jerry...

Tell me what you're feeling
I'll feel it with you

To me those few words say SO MUCH about how love is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47Q2fN2KMkg

I'm a little ashamed because of my inability to express how much I like this. There is one word, I think... "flawless".

And my favourite line is:
"I live on borrowed dreams"

I wish I had more to say. Other than that, thank you both for this art of work... I mean, work of art.

Zak, thank you so much on Moon's behalf and for myself too, sometimes the simplest compliments can be the best!

I "discovered" this beautiful poem just fifteen minutes ago and I am f l a b b e r g a s t e d

Again such incompatible ways of expressing fragility, doubtfullness, tenderness, springawakening.

TESS: "but all the time we have is of brilliance like the sun
bending back the shadows untill our last day is done"

it will be good to wake up tomorrow, thanks to you

Thank you so much amaryn, that's the best thing that anyone could tell me about something that i've said or done.....i've read recently that all writers have egos that make them push their work out for others to read but i don't agree with that 100%.......this is the most honest that i can be, for me its like wanting to share something that tastes good with a friend, or to watch a beautiful sunset with someone that you love and then looking at their eyes and expression and being happy that they're sharing the same feelings that you're having.....that's what it's about for me, that's why i write.

But i have to be honest in another way too, i read the email with your comment and i thought, who wrote that? bcs it's been 2 months, and then i saw "TESS" and i said that's me!! I wrote that! lol i just thought that was too funny....but now reading this again 2 months later has also reminded me of something that i had put too far into the back of my mind, so thank you in a big way also for bringing this back around for me again

That's my baby

Amaryn,
Thanks for shining a new light on this Brilliant Piece!What I said above(Comment#3)goes double!