Tell me what you think please?


You shower me
With hurtful words
You tell me I'm
You're greatest fear
But oh do we
Live that life
That once was far
But now is near

The moment you believe
That I'm just to forget
Another kind of love
As if we've never met
But when we're all alone
You over flow with glee
The thing we have in common
That this should never be

I close my eyes
Rethink the years
I've spent with you
Then dry my tears

On the inside of your lock
My painful headache grows
It shoots right through my mind
I feel it in my toes

The moment you believe
That I'm just to forget
Another kind of love
As if we've never met
But when we're all alone
You over flow with glee
The thing we have in common
That this should never be

I think I have a problem
It's deep inside of me
I like the turmoil
I like the rush
The things you give
It's never enough

I pray to our creator
From curiosity
Not sure what I should ask for
What does he have for me
I finally see how nasty
You have been treating me
Some things I do for money
Some things I do for free

I really like this a lot.I especially like the chorus.I'm not crazy about the epilogue.The last stanza is really kinda off the track,to me.if you rethink it or refine it,It would be a classic rock song.This could be a ballad or a killer.either way,love the lyrics except last stanza.

I thought the same thing about the ending. I considered just repeating the normal chorus afterwards (which i might just do if this ever makes it to my keyboard) but I like how it sort of sums up the story.

I think repeating the chorus(which to me,is Outstanding)it's got "HIT"written all over it!

Been over quite a few of your songs and poems lately, StripedSweater and I find this one indeed highly musical.
"The moment you believe........" I find the strongest part of this and I agree that the last stanza seems kind of not needed here.
But otherwise a strong one, baby. See what I can do with it. If I'd be in the USA now I'd work it out in Cisco with Doug, who knows,
not without your permission,lol
A thanks though travels across the ocean to end up where you are

Of course you have my permission haha as long as I get a track of it! lol

That's a promise then, when spring arrives ( if ever,lol) I intend to put quite a few of these to music. But I don't have the means
to record, as I hate managers and moneysuckers and thus end up like Doug: hoping for the best: crummy cassettes are no good either... it's a bad dilemma,lol

You have a rich dad somewhere?

"end up like Doug"!!You may not want to "end up"where I am,but it was fun getting here!!!

Lmao you guys are crazy. No i don't have anymore rich dads lying around ahahaha

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

"end up like Doug"!!You may not want to "end up"where I am,but it was fun getting here!!!

Doug, don't be so sure! Living in Cisco seems to be fun compared to living in lots of other places in spite of the fact that
not everything is that great there either,lol

"end up like Doug" referrng to the fact that you denied being sit upon by moneymaking managers,lol

I'd refer to San Francisco as Frisco,not Cisco.Too close to Crisco!(I hope a few of you get this joke)