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This is really bad.

Dude, if you're gonna offer criticism at least try make it in some way constructive... If it is really bad explain how he could make it better etc.

I think it was a good idea but perhaps he should go through and revise the lyrics and rewrite so that they flow a little bette. Because they are at points rather disjointed

Originally Posted by st@r

This is really bad.

Totally don't even agree with you.
Now dont get me wrong, but Some lyrics don't need to rhyme.
N he probably has the song all figured out in his head so who knows may pop up on the radio, Star.

Actually this isn't complete, i started to write this but couldn't think of any good lines so i decided to post it as it is so i wont forget it and thanx ShadowLeeSharp and RevolvingElk.

Hehe^^
You can call me Shadow or Lawliet yu choose
Yu are so welcome and I can't wait to see when you DO finish!! x)


Yeah.. Star's comment pissed me off..

Dittos on the latter comments, this is not really bad. It's just bad
NOOOOO no no I'm joking!! It's fine man, it's your work and it's a solid message. I might suggest improving a couple of lines, like remove some repetition and that would even tighten up the rhythm in a coupla places. But I like it, keep bringin' it.

Like i said before i only wrote this so i could improve later and wont forget it cuz i usually do.

Hope that doesn't sound rude cause i think it does, sorry for that.

Lmfao @moon I agree w/ you too bout improving yes

N @mon nope it didn't Hehe^^

I read this a while ago and forgot to comment. I don't need to tell you that you need to revise it because you already know. Good foundation though. But it always makes me think of "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay..

Hey, pointzero thanx for commenting and reminding of that song i have never heard it but my friend mentioned it once maybe it will give me some ideas.