My Burden... or something?!

Thread: My Burden... or something?!

Tags: None

  1. RevolvingElk said: 03-30-2011 02:29 AM

    Question My Burden... or something?!

    delet this
    Last edited by RevolvingElk; 01-18-2018 at 07:10 PM.
     

  2. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said: 03-30-2011 03:53 AM

    Default

    Not crappy at all Elk, and I would just recommend two changes: Add a little more structure, and the word "unforbidding" is not quite accurate (or consistent) in meaning so I would change it to "foreboding" or "unbidding" or maybe "uninviting" ... or maybe just "inviting" to add irony. This is good, it's got good word-rhythm, it speaks, and it progresses. Nice work for a 5-minute flurry
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>     ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame
     

  3. ShadowLeeSharp's Avatar

    ShadowLeeSharp said: 03-30-2011 10:47 AM

    Default

    Haha I sort of agree with moon, but damn elk!! That ain't not crap! Lol! If you wanna see crap look at the latest songs I've written those r what u call sad crap haha.

    Each time I read another bit of the poem it just kept gettin better n better BTFW I missed u
    ImTheBaby of ATL! FearMe, RawR!!
    -This Shadow is like a homeless puppy. She'll love you in seconds. And she'll still love you no matter what even though you hurt her so badly-
     

  4. RobberBaron said: 03-30-2011 12:56 PM

    Default

    Ooh, this is really good. It's often people write something and hate it straight after, but later you'll come back and think "Wow, did I really write this?"

    The first stanza reminds me of something, but I can't quite put my finger (or any other body parts for that matter) on it...
     

  5. RevolvingElk said: 03-30-2011 11:23 PM

    Default

    Wow, thanks guys, I really truly didn't expect anyone to like this Preciate it, truly

    love elk.