Attempted translation of Του μικρου βορια

Corrections and improvements invited. I've taken hopefully modest liberties with the Greek meaning as I understand it to express the ideas as seems best to me in Englsih.

Στίχοι: Οδυσσέας Ελύτης
Μουσική: Μίκης Θεοδωράκης
Πρώτη εκτέλεση: Μαρία Φαραντούρη
Άλλες ερμηνείες: Σούλα Μπιρμπίλη

Του μικρού βοριά παράγγειλα, να 'ναι καλό παιδάκι
I told the little North Wind to be a good lad
Μη μου χτυπάει πορτόφυλλα και το παραθυράκι
Not to bang on the door and the windows
Γιατί στο σπίτι π' αγρυπνώ, η αγάπη μου πεθαίνει
Because in the house where I remain awake, my love is dying
και μες στα μάτια την κοιτώ, που μόλις ανασαίνει
And I'm looking into her eyes, and she is hardly breathing

Γεια σας περβόλια, γεια σας ρεματιές
Farewell gardens, farewell ravines
Γεια σας φιλιά και γεια σας αγκαλιές
farewell kisses and farewell embraces
Γεια σας οι κάβοι κι οι ξανθοί γιαλοί
farwell to the caves and the sandy beaches
Γεια σας οι όρκοι οι παντοτινοί.
farewell to our eternal oaths

Με πνίγει το παράπονο, γιατί στον κόσμο αυτόνα
I can barely breathe from grief, because in this world
τα καλοκαίρια τα 'χασα κι έπεσα στον χειμώνα
my summers have passed, and I have fallen into winter
Σαν το καράβι π' άνοιξε τ' άρμενα κι αλαργεύει
Like a ship that has set sail and is becoming distant
βλέπω να χάνονται οι στεριές κι ο κόσμος λιγοστεύει.
I see the land vanish and the world becoming small

<2nd verse repeated>

Very good. I've just made a couple of changes to make it flow a little more.

Του μικρού βοριά παράγγειλα, να 'ναι καλό παιδάκι
I told the little North Wind to be a good lad
Μη μου χτυπάει πορτόφυλλα και το παραθυράκι
Not to rattle my doors and little window
Γιατί στο σπίτι π' αγρυπνώ, η αγάπη μου πεθαίνει
Because inside where I am wide awake, my love is dying
και μες στα μάτια την κοιτώ, που μόλις ανασαίνει
And I'm looking straight into her eyes, and she is hardly breathing

Γεια σας περβόλια, γεια σας ρεματιές
Goodbye orchards, farewell ravines
Γεια σας φιλιά και γεια σας αγκαλιές
Goodbye to your kisses and your embrace
Γεια σας οι κάβοι κι οι ξανθοί γιαλοί
Goodbye to the cliffs and the sandy beaches
Γεια σας οι όρκοι οι παντοτινοί.
Goodbye to all of our eternal vows

Με πνίγει το παράπονο, γιατί στον κόσμο αυτόνα
I can barely breathe from grief, because in this world
τα καλοκαίρια τα 'χασα κι έπεσα στον χειμώνα
I missed all the summers, only winter I found
Σαν το καράβι π' άνοιξε τ' άρμενα κι αλαργεύει
Like the ship that sets sail and travels away
βλέπω να χάνονται οι στεριές κι ο κόσμος λιγοστεύει.
I see shores fading slowly, the world growing small

Thanks! I'm relieved that it wasn't too messed up, tho I certainly goofed on καβοι - 'false friends' strike again! But in the last stanza is (ε)χασα really 'missed' rather than 'lost' (i.e. they did happen, but are now over/gone)? The overall sense is quite different depending on which it is. <edit> Or, could both senses be possible? If (ε)χασα really meant something like 'I should have had something, but didn't' (either because I lost it, or never got it in the first place), that would cover it. English 'John swindled Mary out of the money' has a similar uncertainty. Actually, replacing what I originally had with 'I have lost the summers' would almost cover the 'missed' sense as well, and I think it would be better in any case.

I think you will find the above translation was taken from here

Actually not; I had seen it, but if I'd paid more attention I wouldn't have got καβοι completely wrong. Ι seem to have gotten περιβολι wrong too (should 'orchard', not 'garden'). Then there's the question of how to interpret (ε)χασα. Somebody on that youtube thread says there are many deficiencies in zeena66's translation, but not, unfortunately, exactly what they are.

I wasn't referring to you AveryA3, I can see that you did your translation yourself

Here's a poetic translation, by Jeffrey Carson and Nikos Sarris _The Collected Poems of Odysseas Elytis_; google books link here: http://books.google.com/books?id=nzP...page&q&f=false (it's in the 'the rhos of eros' section, at the end of the book),



They seem to agree with me on the missed/lost issue, although the first review of the book claims that the translations are rather bad (for me, as an English speaker, doors don't have shutters (leaves maybe, for πορτφυλλα, but that doesn't really work for me, either, and neither do 'blond seashores', so I used 'sandy beaches' in spite of the literal inaccuracy). But they're also trying to render it as English verse rather than line-by-line prose, which creates problems. People who enjoy such things can obviously spend many happy hours quibbling about the details.

Hi Avery

I agree with you regarding the 'lost' summers and we would also say 'sandy beaches'. I do agree with Zeena about the wind 'rattling' if it is shutters instead of doors, so thats a combination of the 2 translations. So it seems that with those changes you may have found a translation that you are happy with

A couple of weeks ago I was at an event organised by my local university celebrating the Centenary of Odysseus Elytis, where there were guest speakers and readings from his translated works. (coincidentally this song was one of the many that were played and the translations read). One of the topics was the difficulty of a non native speaker being able to translate from Greek and there will never be a 'correct' translation because each person, even the experts, will have their own style. I always prefer to see the Greek text and compare how the translator has understood it. For me just to see an English translation of a poem it loses the magic, it is the beauty of the Greek language that enthralls me even though I don't understand very much of it!

What do you think of zeena61's 'fair shores'? I think that might be better than 'sandy beaches', and much better than what C&S came up with. I also have a feeling that 'good kid' goes with 'rattle', and 'good lad' with 'bang on' - the latter might be the 'Australian version' with a 'matey-er' tone and more physical robustness. Or it might be just wrong ... I like the idea of translations meant to be displayed while the original is being spoken or sung, partly because it's relatively easy to learn enough of a language to benefit from them, and also because it conveys the melody-meaning relationships that seem to be such a remarkable feature of Theodorakis. I have an effort to do this for Homer here. When I've settled my thoughts I'll put up a corrected version, with notes, due to the nonexistence of any single correct way to do it!

In zeena's version, I think she said 'fair coast', which is very poetic, but I prefer 'fair shores' (and definitely not blond seashores). I don't like the use of 'good kid' because 'kid' is a slang word and doesn't sound right (to me) . It's difficult to find a word to mean the same as 'paidi' in this context, but I think 'good little fellow' is probably the best.

I like zeena's version and it's truer to the Greek original in... 'My lamenting oppresses me, for in this world....' The C&S version has 'Sadness has overtaken me and this world is bitter' I can't see where bitter is referred to.

(These differences are just my opinion and not criticisms).

I see that you are rather an expert in languages and I am very impressed by your video of Odyssey 12:1-54. I must admit, I didn't recognise any words and haven't read much Homer, but I do have 'The Penguin Book of Greek Verse' by Constantine Trypanis which has quite a few translations from the Iliad and the Odyssey. I just never seem to have the time to read them. If you want to compare any let me know.

I think I might go with 'lad' and 'rattle'. Time to wrap this up! I know my way around Homer OK, but not so much Modern Greek, so far. Thanks for helping with this!

Also 'capes' instead of 'cliffs' because Keely & Sherrard do this with a Seferis poem, and I suspect that the reference is to the rocky bits that stick out between the beaches.

Translation with elements from:
zeena61 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0ERR...eature=related),
Jeffrey Carson & Nikos Sarris _The Collected Poems of Odysseas Elytis_
and discussion with catherini and Mixalopoulos
(who don't necessarily approve when I've gone my own way).

Του Mικρού Bοριά
To the Northwind

Του μικρού βοριά παράγγειλα, να 'ναι καλό παιδάκι
I told the little North Wind to be a good lad
Μη μου χτυπάει πορτόφυλλα και το παραθυράκι
Not to rattle the door and the little window
Γιατί στο σπίτι π' αγρυπνώ, η αγάπη μου πεθαίνει
Because in the house where I keep wakeful watch, my love is dying
και μες στα μάτια την κοιτώ, που μόλις ανασαίνει
And I look into her eyes, and she is hardly breathing

Γεια σας περβόλια, γεια σας ρεματιές
Farewell orchards, farewell ravines
Γεια σας φιλιά και γεια σας αγκαλιές
farewell kisses and farewell embraces
Γεια σας οι κάβοι κι οι ξανθοί γιαλοί
farwell capes and fair shores
Γεια σας οι όρκοι οι παντοτινοί.
farewell to our eternal oaths

Με πνίγει το παράπονο, γιατί στον κόσμο αυτόνα
I am being choked by grief, because in this world
τα καλοκαίρια τα 'χασα κι έπεσα στον χειμώνα
I have lost the summers, and fallen into winter
Σαν το καράβι π' άνοιξε τ' άρμενα κι αλαργεύει
Like a ship that has set sail and is becoming distant
βλέπω να χάνονται οι στεριές κι ο κόσμος λιγοστεύει.
I see the coastline vanish and the world becoming small

Γεια σας περβόλια, γεια σας ρεματιές
Γεια σας φιλιά και γεια σας αγκαλιές
Γεια σας οι κάβοι κι οι ξανθοί γιαλοί
Γεια σας οι όρκοι οι παντοτινοί.

Nice work Avery

So here's what I came up with as a synchronized translation for this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbWsM9Ug8n0

thanks to all again.