Hello and Help!

Hey, what up yall. Im new to te forum. So if i posted this in the wrong thread just tell me! Ok, so i need your help! I cant think of a way to connect my verses together! This is what i have so far! Your help is very much appreciated! Tell me what you think about it if ya like! thanks!

Tougher than titanium,
Deadly like uranium,
Lyrical bullets,
Penetrating em, ending em
(Need connector here)
Pen packed, ready to attack,
I will destroy you with my lyrical caliber,
flows so nice; pencil on paper,
I make no mistakes, never touch the eraser.
(Need connector here)
Because you see,
Like poison mixed with reverse psychology, definitely*
Dominate for centuries.
Lets face it.
Close to the feminine side, you are the closest,
You like being in the closet, took a lock and closed it.*
Im not the only one, everyone here knows it,
As youve probably noticed,
I have you under my control, like hynosis,
Important like headlines, cant miss this,*
John Wayne, cant miss ****.

Yeah, I know its broken but im still working on it, help? )

You have the potential to make this a hot lyric. I would format it diffrently and add some word play, muti it up a bit. maybee some more metaphors.

Tougher than titanium,Deadly like uranium,
Lyrical bullets,Penetrating em, lyricist ain't no saving them.
ending em descending them ,Pen is packed,
to dismember them rhymes so mencing when I attack,
Capital punishmant Death sentences attached to your rap.
lyrical calibers flow nice I make no mistakes, thats a fact.
leave it as it stands never touch the eraser.


this is just an example. I think your stuff shows serious potential. But only you can make that happen.
Good job so far.... oh not that its pressing, but I would Stamp a Copyright date on that piece. You don't want some joe blow can't flow hobo using your stuff.

Yo also check out some of my stuff. Let me know what you think.
And Welcome to ATL


Peace Love Empathy


Sk'nDeep

Hey, thank you for the tip man. Im working on rewriting and stamping my lines as i go! Ill post the updated version in a bit! Once again, i appreciate your compliments and your help!

It's nothing but a chicking wing on a string.
Any time....

Updated verse!

Tougher than titanium/
Deadly like uranium/
Lyrical bullets/
Penetrating em/ending em/
Pen packed/ready to attack/
Ending your act/
Like the Warsaw Pact/
You will decinerate/
Enemy of the state/
A fagget frontin a straight/
Youre a fcking f@gg3t/
Acting hard when you men-stru-ate/
Youre labeled a cannibal/
Cuz of all that d!ck you ate/
You do it on daily intervals/
The right to bear arms/
So I own a lyrical caliber/
Youre stupid, limited verbal perimeter/
Your lines are fruity, like Alexander/
Mine's sinister; Julius Caesar/
Pencil on paper/
My flows are kind/
Metaphors are shy/
Hidden meaning behind every line/
Music to the conscious mind/
Like force and words combined/
Looks like youre up next for the punchline/
Like poison mixed with reverse psychology/
Definitely/
Dominate for centuries/
Lets face it/
Close to the feminine side, you are the closest/
You like being in the closet/
You took a lock and closed it/
Im not the only one, everyone here knows it/
As youve probably noticed/
I got you under my control, like hynosis/
Important like headlines, cant miss this/
John Wayne, cant miss sh!t/

Copyrighted Tue May 31 23:54:24 UTC 2011
Tips?

Updated verses!
** * * * * * * * *Diabolical
Tougher than titanium/
Deadly like uranium/
Lyrical bullets/
Penetrating em/ending em/
You n!gg@s old/
Crushed, Canned, Recycled Aluminium/
Pen packed/ready to attack/
Ending your act/
Like the Warsaw Pact/*
You will decinerate/
Enemy of the state/
A fking pvssy/
Acting hard when you men-stru-ate/
Youre labeled a cannibal/
Cuz of all that d1k you ate/

What i writes so original/
Copyright minded/
Lyrics fresh out from the mind/
Pickaxed and mined it/
Im very well in shape/
Cuz the game's a road runner/
Im hot for money/
Cuz im a paper chaser/
The right to bear arms/
But i aint no weapon harperer/
But i stay packin/
Two point O' ball pen/
My words never slackin'/
(Still working in this part)
Youre stupid; limited verbal perimeter/
Your lines are fruity, like Alexander/
Mine's sinister; Julius Caesar/
Pencil on paper/
My flows are kind/
Metaphors are shy/
A drop of dopamine/
Playing tricks on the mind/
Rather scar them mentally/*
Than popping a nine/
(Still working in this part)
Like poison mixed with reverse psychology/
Definitely/
Dominate for centuries/
You cant really hide/
Close to feminine side/
You are the closest/
You like being in the closet/
You took a lock and closed it/
Im not the only one, everyone listenin' knows it/
As youve probably noticed/
I got you under my control, like hynosis/
Im important like headlines, you cant miss this/*
John Wayne, cant miss sh1t/
I am progressive/
Always making progress/
They asking me how to kill more/
I told them to aim less/
(Still working in this part)
Lets not go medieval/
But I am fairly evil/*
Like The Asian version of Ivan the Terrible/
Spittin' hot sauce; makin' you Emcees trickles down like candles/
Crunch like Pringles/
I soak you in jealousy/
Till it starts to tingle/
Now, i cant name a single b!tch out there that doesnt dig my jingles/
Even your girl show up on Christmas Eve/*
Trust me, she didnt come to sing no carrol/
Youre broke and lost/
Broken signs/ No arrows/
Goonin'/ Then into Guatanamo/
Like Kumar and Harold/
Eating down your c0ck-meat sandwich/
As your girl open up like a car (doh)/
Giving it to me/Nothing to borrow/
Your verse so broken/
Its like they've ruptured/
Nails to my ears/
So, I might pull a kanye/
And interrupt ya/
(Still working in this part)
Lets not go and talk about Jerome's niece/
Because you aint gonn get home in one piece/
Copyrighted Wed Jun 1 13:34:21 UTC 2011
Tips?