Please critique on my lyrics.

Hi. I am new to lyrics world and have written some pieces, will you please cririque it for me as I wan t to write and sell them.
Nobody will hear me,
how louder i cry
.
I.......(I is strestched) don;t wanna live this part,
when I'm feeling alien, and left apart.


If this is life, I don't wanna live anymore,
If this is life, i don;t wanna live oh ohoo.

I thought the world would change one day,
but i was wrong when i thought it someday.

i hv made only this much, how's it? critques?
thanx a lot.

Thanx a lot

Pretty good start depending on the music. what style?
It's very easy to relate to your message. If I were to wright this,
It would be somthing like this example....
my Critique of your song.

Example

I lay on my back at night stairing at the stars.
thinking how could somthing so beautful leave me so scarred.
I thought the world would change one day,
preying that someday maybee aliens would take me away.
anything is better than this waste of space.
latley depresed, lost in this maze. created from hate.
Or somthing like that....

Keep trying to make this happen...
just don't kill your self. lol
j/k hints (If this is life, I don't wanna live anymore, )

Peace Love & Empathy
Sk'nDeep