The Harbinger

Thread: The Harbinger

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  1. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

    Default The Harbinger

    Even now in this day in age
    The world is still locked in its cage
    So corrupt that it can’t even see
    The pain that makes it bleed

    I warned the world many times over
    That the pain is only growing stronger
    Soon enough the desolates will slither in
    And cause the whole world to reprimand

    My word you must heed
    Be weary of the seed
    For it will plant itself within
    And give you visions of the end

    I ask again and again
    Will the people ever bring about reprimand?
    And fully look within their minds
    And cast out the seeds of lies

    A world of no life will grab hold
    And place you into a life of mold
    The fingers of those above you
    Will twist and bend you

    Until your mind is wrapped in twine
    Nothing will help you to escape the time
    For you will no longer be alive
    But rather a figment of a lie

    I warned you all in my cowardly fall
    That I had seen the darkness crawl
    I told you the pain would arise
    In a day when you will be surprised

    Hold out your hand
    And be given your last stand
    The darkness is flowing
    The desolates are coming
    Last edited by Johnb31; 09-17-2012 at 06:58 PM.
     
  2. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Hey guys this is the 3rd poem in my series of poems The Pain, The Penitent, The Harbinger, The Inception, and The Desolates. Check them out in that order hope you like.
     
  3. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    I'm running out of good things to say about your Poetry.Outstanding,Fantastic,Groovy,Great,Magnific ent !See,I don't know if I spelled them all right,but you get the drift.
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 08-08-2012 at 12:13 AM. Reason: This is misspelling Magnificent,not me!!!!
     
  4. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Haha thanx Doug
     
  5. mexico62 said:

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    Hi John31, I totally agree with Doug, Iīm enjoying this series, I reach the chapter 3, I donīt know if this story have a real end, but the way you build the plot is so clever and amazing, good work you have done so far.
    Excuse me only one question, as english is my second language, I donīt know well what you are really saying in " a world of no life will grab hold", hope you can help me to clear my mind, I will continue reading "the inception", and thanks.
    Last edited by mexico62; 08-20-2012 at 08:08 PM. Reason: grammar correction
     
  6. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    "A world with no life" means from my perspective even though it can mean something different for anyone but what I intend it to mean is a world where everything u do is like pointless. So it would be like a communist country or a dictator or simply the media or people around you. Anything that can take what you believe away or cause what you believe to change. So in other words a world with no life is a world where you are nothing where everything you are isnt what you really could be. Meaning you loose your humanity and your free will. I hope that cleared it up for you let me know if I didn't.
     
  7. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Well said young man!I hope I'm around in another 20 years to see where your writing leads you.Fame and fortune,I hope.You're that good!
     
  8. mexico62 said:

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    Yes Johnb31, Now I have the complete idea, and continue with the next of the series, thanks a lot.
     
  9. Zakynthos said:

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    I really like this. I had to translate one or two words first to fully understand it. (my vocabulary is poor or yours is very rich ;p) I can see exactly what you tried (successfully) to say here and it reminded me of some old lyrics of mine, too.

    I ask again and again
    Will the people ever reprimand?
    And fully look within their minds
    And cast out the seeds of lies
    This is a question that I've asked myself many times. I believe it's beyond our abilities to control things like that. Of course, if I were famous enough to direct people's opinion, I might could have contributed a little to the "recovery of the world".
     
  10. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zakynthos View Post
    I really like this. I had to translate one or two words first to fully understand it. (my vocabulary is poor or yours is very rich ;p) I can see exactly what you tried (successfully) to say here and it reminded me of some old lyrics of mine, too.
    ZAK: No, your vocabulary is definitely not poor! But Johnb31's vocabulary is very rich.

    JOHNB31: OK. Phase 3. Very interesting. The further I got into The Harbinger the more it began to have the "ring" of the words of Satan. Once again, I must read your poems again and again to get the full meaning. You are indeed a good poet!

    Just for you to consider, John: The word "reprimand" is used several times, so it is very important to the poem. "Reprimand" (off the top of my head) is strong counsel/correction, contra-indicating a course of action that one/ones are taking. So reprimands are given to others. If one is in need of reprimand, then that person is "reprimanded."

    So, although the word itself "feels" right in fitting with the poem, the application of the word seems a tiny bit off. Please take my mentioning this as a good thing--If I were not so impressed by your poetry and great use of the English language to develop these wonderful poems, I would never make this comment.

    Again, I say it just as something for you to consider. If I am wrong, feel free to correct me. If you feel there is some merit to what I've said, and I can help in any way . . . I would feel privileged to do so (though I rather doubt you need my help!). Please do not let my saying this distress you. I know you want to say exactly what you mean--and you indeed have a point-of-view from which to share and say it and the talent and means to do so!
     
  11. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Thank you for giving me good honest criticism it helps me take my writing to a new level so i greatly appreciate it. Thank you for pointing out the use of reprimand I really only used it because it seemed almost right for the situation, but not quite used correctly because it would not have worked well so I don't know how to change it at this point but Ill look at fixing it soon. Also check out the Silent Echo 1 and 2 they are the prequels to this series and the tittle of the series as a whole is The Silent Echo. The silent Echo means within the human race there is emptiness instead of being full so the silent echo is the echo of pain within that emptiness, but it cant be heard because it is figurative.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  12. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    You have WOW-ED me again about Silent Echo!! Yes, I have briefly come back online, but now it's my bedtime! Will check things out on Thursday, my first real opportunity. For (and if) any help I can be, John, I am happy to do so! You are definitely right with the word; it fits. It's just a matter of a slight rewording. The word is too important and to applicable to drop! Your gut told you the right word! And I appreciate you taking constructive criticism with such a good-hearted attitude. As I said, if you were a mediocre poet, or even just a good one, I wouldn't say a word. But you are very, very good; that's why I wanted to share a bit with you, all the while singing your praises for your talent!!