Yes, I'm married
And have two kids
But I don't care
I've got to have you
You're so sexy
So beautiful
My wife won't know
What we do

I've Got To Have You
Meet me at the hotel
We'll get a room
We won't tell
I've Got To Have You
You'll be my lover
You'll be my mistress
I can't get enough

I'm not rich
But I've got money
I'll be rich
When you're my honey
My wife is stupid
She'll never know
Please say yes
Come on, let's go

I've Got To Have You
Meet me at the hotel
We'll get a room
We won't tell
I've Got To Have You
You'll be my lover
You'll be my mistress
I can't get enough

I'll admit it
I'm in love with sex
Whenever I'm horny
I'll send you a text

I've Got To Have You
Meet me at the hotel
We'll get a room
We won't tell
I've Got To Have You
You'll be my lover
You'll be my mistress
I can't get enough

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com

Sitting in Waffle House
Listening to Girl Crush
On the juke box
Gives me a rush
Listening to Kimberly
Listening to Fairchild
Those two women
Drive me wild

Listening To Girl Crush
On the juke box
Karen Fairchild
What a fox!
I'll go home
Get my rocks
Listening To Girl Crush
On the juke box

Sipping their coffee
Listening To Girl Crush
That country song
Went through the roof
It made a million
For Little Big Town
The kings and queens
Of Nashville town

Listening To Girl Crush
On the juke box
Karen Fairchild
What a fox!
I'll go home
Get my rocks
Listening To Girl Crush
On the juke box

I wanna taste your lips
Have sex with you
Drown myself
In your perfume

Listening To Girl Crush
On the juke box
Karen Fairchild
What a fox!
I'll go home
Get my rocks
Listening To Girl Crush
On the juke box

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com
kimberly_schlapman_imgbox_fast_simple_image_host_1fk31IFd_sized.jpg

There's A Place
Where losers go
When their lovers
Put them down
You guessed it
You know it
It's that southern
Music town

Misery City
Nashville, Tennessee
Self-pity
For you and me
Misery City
Nashville, Tennessee
How miserable
Do you wanna be

It's the home
Of guitar players
Country singers
And writers
It's the place
Where broken hearts
Try to make
A new start

Misery City
Nashville, Tennessee
Self-pity
For you and me
Misery City
Nashville, Tennessee
How miserable
Do you wanna be

I try to drown my misery
Down on lower Broad
Try to sell my sad sad songs
In a place called Music Row

Misery City
Nashville, Tennessee
Self-pity
For you and me
Misery City
Nashville, Tennessee
How miserable
Do you wanna be

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com

http://jimcolyer.com/sitebuilder/fla....xml%3Ft%3D137

You must be some kind of magician
You know every trick in the book
You broke down all my defenses
With just one look
You turned my head
You stole my heart
Pulled a rabbit from your hat
How Did You Do That?

Did you learn your skills in Las Vegas?
Sawing pretty young women in two
Did you hypnotize the ladies?
With what you do
You moved right in
Took what you need
Baby, you're a real cool cat
How Did You Do That?

How did you make me fall in love?
Was I such an easy kill?
How did you take me for a fool?
Against my will

There must've been an ace up your sleeve
I should've known that the cards were stacked
You knew just when to leave
You never looked back
And here I sit
Mystified
By your disappearing act
How Did You Do That?

solo

How did you make me fall in love?
Was I such such an easy kill?
How did you take me for a fool?
Against my will

There've must've been an ace up your sleeve
I should've known that the cards were stacked
You knew just when to leave
You never looked back
And here I sit
Mystified
By your disappearing act
How Did You Do That?
How Did You Do That?

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com

Time slips away
So do we
We're at the end
Of another week
Weeks mean nothing
Nothing at all
It's Friday night
April Fool's

Lonely Friday
Sitting alone
On my couch
Writing a song
Lonely Friday
Pen in hand
Lonely life
Lonely man

Two years ago
This very night
Was when we met
It felt so right
It didn't last
Who knows why
Who knows anything
We live and die

Lonely Friday
Sitting alone
On my couch
Writing a song
Lonely Friday
Pen in hand
Lonely life
Lonely man

I'll wake tomorrow
It's Saturday
Tonight I'll cry
These blues away

Lonely Friday
Sitting alone
On my couch
Writing a song
Lonely Friday
Pen in hand
Lonely life
Lonely man

Jim Colyer ascap

Talking head
Motor mouth
Rhetoric
Headed south
Senator
Suit and tie
Bunch o' crap
Pack o' lies

Donald Trump
Make your stand
Make America
Great again
Donald Trump
You're the man
Make a change
Save our land

Democrat
Republican
All the same
Congressman
Making fools
Of us all
Making hay
Making laws

Donald Trump
Make your stand
Make America
Great again
Donald Trump
You're the man
Make a change
Save our land

Establishment
Down the drain
Outsiders
Save the day

Donald Trump
Make your stand
Make America
Great again
Donald Trump
You're the man
Make a change
Save our land

Jim Colyer ascap
safe_imageruy.jpg

I'm Chuck Barris
I did the Gong Show
Who I am now
Nobody knows
I'm Dan Quayle
Vice-president
Now I'm forgotten
Money all spent

I Used To Be Famous
Used to be somebody
I used to be known
Now I'm nobody
I Used To Be Famous
Important too
Carried some weight
Now I'm like you

I'm Brigitte Bardot
I made heads turn
Now I'm ugly
Live and learn
I'm Barry Gibb
Last of the Bee Gees
Only a few
Remember me

I Used To Be Famous
Used to be somebody
I used to be known
Now I'm nobody
I Used To Be Famous
Important too
Carried some weight
Now I'm like you

You know me
I'm Kirk Douglas
Come December
I'll be a hundred

I Used To Be Famous
Used to be somebody
I used to be known
Now I'm nobody
I Used To Be Famous
Important too
Carried some weight
Now I'm like you

Jim Colyer ascap

She's hot as hell
In her high heel shoes
Short tight skirt
She's looking at you
Don't just sit there
Make your move
Find your mojo
Find your groove

She's a Firestarter
Makes them sparks fly
Starts out slow
Then flames rise high
Firestarter
Here comes the smoke
Rubbing them sticks
Stroke stroke stroke

She'll burn you up
Set you on fire
Teach you the meaning
Of desire
Teach you the meaning
Of lust
Now she's looking
At both of us

She's a Firestarter
Makes them sparks fly
Starts out slow
Then flames rise high
Firestarter
Here comes the smoke
Rubbing them sticks
Stroke stroke stroke

She blazes
What a catch!
Catalyst
She's a match

She's a Firestarter
Makes them sparks fly
Starts out slow
Then flames rise high
Firestarter
Here comes the smoke
Rubbing them sticks
Stroke stroke stroke

Jim Colyer ascap

http://jimcolyer.com/sitebuilder/fla....xml%3Ft%3D122

Well, I met you
And it seemed like
It would just go on forever
Everything we touched turned to gold
We had our run
Our day in the sun
Now it's our turn to lose
Even I, Even I Can Sing The Blues

I begged you
And I pleaded
But you went out and found another woman
You're the kind of man who's just gotta have it all the time
You left me lonely
You left me with a baby
Now I'm way down in my shoes
Even I, Even I Can Sing The Blues

Even a white girl can sing the blues
I've gotta crawl back to mom and dad
They're gonna say we told you so
They're gonna say we knew he was bad
They're gonna make me find a job
They're gonna say he made a fool out of you
Even I, Even I Can Sing The Blues

solo

Well, I met you
And it seemed like
It would just go on forever
Everything we touched turned to gold
We had our run
Our day in the sun
Now it's my turn to lose
Even I, Even I Can Sing The Blues
Even a white girl born with a silver spoon can sing the blues

Jim Colyer ascap

You might quit
Challenges never do
They keep coming
Straight at you
It doesn't matter
What you did today
Tomorrow is coming
Like a freight train

The Future
Will track you down
Back you in a corner
Knock you to the ground
The Future
Will eat you alive
If you're unprepared
If you're too shy

I gave up
When my marriage fell apart
It took a while
To make a new start
I'm no prophet
But I know one thing
We can be sure
What tomorrow will bring

The Future
Will track you down
Back you in a corner
Knock you to the ground
The Future
Will eat you alive
If you're unprepared
If you're too shy

Cover your bases
And hope for the best
Let your destiny
Do the rest

The Future
Will track you down
Back you in a corner
Knock you to the ground
The Future
Will eat you alive
If you're unprepared
If you're too shy

Jim Colyer ascap

I Wasn't Really A Nerd
Though I had tendencies
Maverick was my TV show
Got into astronomy
Had my movie magazines
Beat off to Julie Newmar
Had my baseball cards
Croquet in the backyard

I Wasn't Really A Nerd
Though some might call me geek
I took three years of Latin
Which I never learned to speak
I was into Top 40
Beat off to Juliet Prowse
Been dead twenty years
And those legs still arouse

I finally kissed a girl
When I was 17
My sister's friend
Her name was Jean

I Wasn't Really A Nerd
Though I had tendencies
Maverick was my TV show
Got into astronomy
Followed the New York Yankees
Played second base
Embarrassed by
Pimples on my face

Jim Colyer ascap

TAKE ME TO CANCUN
http://jimcolyer.com/sitebuilder/fla....xml%3Ft%3D141

Take Me To Cancun
Take me to the moon
Take me anywhere
As long as you are there
Take me real soon
On a Yucatan vacation
Take me
Take Me To Cancun

All my friends have been there
And I'm starting to feel left out
I wanna know first hand
What they're talking about
I wanna feel that breeze
And lay back in the sun
Go swimming in the ocean
We'll be having fun

Take Me To Cancun
Take me to the moon
Take me anywhere
As long as you are there
Take me real soon
On a Yucatan vacation
Take me
Take Me To Cancun

solo

Realizing our ambitions
As beachcombing bums
Living on love
Living on crumbs
Strumming our guitars
Gazing at the stars
Sleeping all day
And drinking Malibu Rum

Take Me To Cancun
Take me to the moon
Take me anywhere
As long as you are there
Take me real soon
On a Yucatan vacation
Take me
Take Me To Cancun
Take me
Take Me To Cancun

Jim Colyer ascap

I grew up in the church
Three times a week
Learned how to pray
Soon as I could speak
Jesus saved my soul
When I was ten
I love Jesus
He died for my sins

I'm a Preacher's Daughter
Baptized with Holy Water
In my daddy's congregation
Glad I'm a Christian
Slain in the Spirit
I wouldn't change it
I'm a Preacher's Daughter
Baptized with Holy Water

I've read the Bible
Cover to cover
I can preach too
I can quote scripture
I've been cleansed
Lost and found
Saved by the blood
I'm heaven bound

I'm a Preacher's Daughter
Baptized with Holy Water
In my daddy's congregation
Glad I'm a Christian
Slain in the Spirit
I wouldn't change it
I'm a Preacher's Daughter
Baptized with Holy Water

I'll give myself
To a God-fearing man
Like my daddy
He'll follow God's plan

I'm a Preacher's Daughter
Baptized with Holy Water
In my daddy's congregation
Glad I'm a Christian
Slain in the Spirit
I wouldn't change it
I'm a Preacher's Daughter
Baptized with Holy Water

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com

Our favorite band
Is playing tonight
Gonna rock the house
Rock it right
Screaming in tune
Covered in ink
Death metal
They sure stink

The Tattooed Dope Addicts
High on cocaine
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
Got no brain
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
Pierced and wired
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
They're inspired

They're high on meth
Gonna blow your mind
Giving high fives
And hook 'em signs
Roll on the floor
Set the place on fire
Another Great White
If you so desire

The Tattooed Dope Addicts
High on cocaine
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
Got no brain
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
Pierced and wired
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
They're inspired

They're KISS and Slipknot
Rolled into one
We'll be deaf
When the concert's done

The Tattooed Dope Addicts
High on cocaine
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
Got no brain
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
Pierced and wired
The Tattooed Dope Addicts
They're inspired

Jim Colyer ascap

I'm starting to think
This Could Be Hell
It's sure not heaven
That much I know
It's the little things
That drive me crazy
Like getting up at night
And stubbing my toe

I'm starting to think
This Could Be Hell
Dogs and police
Everywhere I go
Can't get through a door
Without someone there
They walk on top of me
Cos I walk so slow

My greatest fear
Is reincarnation
To be recycled
With no salvation

I'm starting to think
This Could Be Hell
To die an infinite
Number of deaths
To watch my parents
Again and again
Grow old and die
On this accursed earth

Jim Colyer ascap

Pam sings this traditional tear jerker.
http://jimcolyer.com/sitebuilder/fla...t.xml%3Ft%3D55

Took your picture off the wall the day you left me
Said I didn't want to see your face again
But my emotions must be playing tricks on me
Cos I'm right back where I've really always been

Missing you and thinking 'bout those good times
Missing you and dreaming of what we had
Thinking of how we lasted for so long
Just like the words of An Old Time Country Song

Sold your ring at the pawn shop down on Broadway
Put my collar to the wind and headed home
Told our friends I'll be better off without you
But the loneliness and heartaches linger on

solo

Missing you and thinking 'bout those good times
Missing you and dreaming of what we had
Thinking of how we lasted for so long
Just like the words of An Old Time Country Song
Just like the words of An Old Time Country Song

Jim Colyer ascap
ATTACH=CONFIG]4492[/ATTACH][

You gotta be like a rattlesnake
Coiled and ready to strike
You gotta be a heavyweight boxer
Trained and ready to fight
If you want that girl, let her know
Kiss her on the first date
Tell her you're taking her home
Else it will be too late

Strike While The Iron Is Hot
The opportunity won't last
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
The iron cools off real fast
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
Before the iron turns to rust
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
Before her love turns to lust

No second thoughts, make your move
Can't leave nothing to chance
There's not a minute to lose
She's looking for romance

Strike While The Iron Is Hot
The opportunity won't last
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
The iron cools off real fast
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
Before the iron turns to rust
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
Before her love turns to lust

If you want that girl
In your bed
Get in her pants
Get in her head

Strike While The Iron Is Hot
The opportunity won't last
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
The iron cools off real fast
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
Before the iron turns to rust
Strike While The Iron Is Hot
Before her love turns to lust

Jim Colyer ascap

Peas in a pod
Reflecting each other
Brother, sister
Father, mother
Twelve hundred pounds
If they're an ounce
When they walk
They almost bounce

The Fat Family
Bring on the beef
The Fat Family
Got the same genes
The Fat Family
All that blubber
The Fat Family
They're like rubber

Birds of a feather
Attract each other
Fat couples
Hanging together
Never popular
When at school
But when they sing
They're so cool

The Fat Family
Bring on the beef
The Fat Family
Got the same genes
The Fat Family
All that blubber
The Fat Family
They're like rubber

Never on a diet
They love to eat
Throw the scales out
Bring on the meat

The Fat Family
Bring on the beef
The Fat Family
Got the same genes
The Fat Family
All that blubber
The Fat Family
They're like rubber

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com

So what if you're in a nursing home
So what if you're in a coma
So what if you had a stroke
So what if you're ready to choke
So what if you've got arthritis
So what if you've got diabetes
So what if you've got pneumonia
So what if you've got dementia

Age Is Just A Number
It means nothing
Long as you're young at heart
Age Is Just A Number

So what if you're bent double
So what if you've got shingles
So what if you're on a walker
So what if you're in a diaper
So what if you have an infection
So what if you're on medication
So what if you lost your hearing
So what if you've got leprosy

Age Is Just A Number
It means nothing
Long as you're young at heart
Age Is Just A Number

So what if you're going blind
Only your family wants you to die

Age Is Just A Number
It means nothing
Long as you're young at heart
Age Is Just A Number

Age Is Just A Number
It means nothing
You'll live past a hundred
Age Is Just A Number

Jim Colyer ascap

I guess I'm gullible
A fool about my money
I keep getting taken
By sweet, young honeys
I still haven't learned
What every man should know
From the first grade on
About white trash hoes

I Keep Falling In Love
With no good women
I Keep Falling In Love
With country singers
I Keep Falling In Love
With femme fatales
I Keep Falling In Love
With Broadway Jezebels

I guess I could name them
But you know who they are
They're all on my website
And none of them stars
It seems I learned nothing
From the Maverick brothers
And how they got fleeced
By Samantha Crawford

I Keep Falling In Love
With no good women
I Keep Falling In Love
With country singers
I Keep Falling In Love
With femme fatales
I Keep Falling In Love
With Broadway Jezebels

I'm gonna change
Starting right now
No more hussies
Please show me how

I Keep Falling In Love
With no good women
I Keep Falling In Love
With country singers
I Keep Falling In Love
With femme fatales
I Keep Falling In Love
With Broadway Jezebels

Jim Colyer ascap