First Post

SHE'S A PARADISE
She’s different from others, she’s out from the crowd
Her beauty speaks volumes and shouts it out loud
her figures an hourglass, her face is a dream
she models my saviour and cat walks the scene.
She’s a paradise she’s always on my mind
She’s paradises I wish that she were mine

Every day she walks on by, a jewel with flawless lines
She’s got long dark hair sweeps down her back and eyes that sparkle shine
Her legs are long and slender, her hips take turns too pose
Her fingers i remember there's no third one wearing gold
She’s a paradise she’s always on my mind
She’s paradises I wish that she were mine

every night I go to bed and sleep I dream she knows my name
she’s lying there right next to me our dreams are both the same
together we’re in heaven shooting stars in outer space
all night long she’s in my arms till morning when I wake.
She’s a paradise she’s always on my mind
She’s a paradise I wish that she were mine

She’s different from others, she’s out from the crowd
Her beauty speaks volumes and shouts it out loud
her figures an hourglass, her face is a dream
she models behaviour and cat walks the scene.
She’s a paradise she’s always on my mind
She’s a paradise I wish that she were mine

Hi there! Those lyrics are really good! There are a couple of bits that i'm unsure of, but it has really good imagery, you can really see this girl/woman that you are describing! It also gives a message, I like it!

Wowo! That is good. some parts could use revising otherwise I think it was very well said.

thanx for the comments guys i'm not sure where i can improve it as i do take time to go over my words but with this i cant find anything i would change personally but would be interested to hear your suggestions

cheers

Hey, these are great lyrics. The only thing that I would add to it, (and this is just MY opinion), is an ending. What I mean is, the song has no closure. You talk about how great she is, and how you wish she was yours, but you don't mention WHY she can't be yours, or WHY you don't pursue her or tell her how you feel. Just a thought. Also, the first and last verse, (or chorus?), has a minor difference which you may or may not have meant to include. The first verse has "she models my saviour and cat walks the scene." and the last verse has "she models behaviour and cat walks the scene." They both make sense though. Keep up the good writing. And get your copyrights

hey soulstice no i didnt realise i had left the second verse with the old line thanks for pointing it out, the song is about a guy who sees this girl evey day but hasnt got the confidence to approach her i felt if i tried to add any more it would just make the song too long already with the vocal melody it is three minutes and i do try not to make them too long
thank you for your comments

Hey there, I really like these lyrics, especially the theme and i disagree that it needs any closure. I can specifically relate to the theme and I think thats what makes the song appeal to me. The man who sees this woman always goes home in the same place as he started, to cowardly to get to know this person, and thats why I think that the song does not need any cloure due to the fact that he ends the day in the same way it was started.

My latest post called "My Dear Boy" has a similar theme, where the person in question has one last chance to "get to know" this woman. It's similar in the way that he gets to see her everyday and is not confident enough to speak to her, but different in a way that she is leaving. This is where the "one last chance/choice comesin, either to say "hello" - e.g. bringing her into his life, or "goodbye" - e.g. passing up the chance to get to know her.

The reason why i like your song is that it adresses something that happens everyday, but which is not really talked about.

Keep the good work up!

SAM