wow im getting rusty (8-lines)

man, im getting rusty after my long break...just got back into some lyric writing... well more of a poem but all the same... well.. here ya go

This ache deep in my heart
were was i when you were torn apart
something snaps far in my brain
all my sanity goes down the drain

where was i as you fell into death's embrace
blood, the only thing i can taste
my love for you, the pain it brings
but atleast i know your flying on wings

Personally, I wouldn't have used those rhyming couplets but that's just me...


This ache deep in my heart
were was i when you were torn
something snaps far in my brain
my loss of sanity has been reborn

where was i as you fell to embrace
of death blood, the only thing i can taste
my love for you, the pain it brings
but atleast i know your flying on wings


Try that