Diplomatic Divide
In Government Guilds You Hide
From The Facts Of Your Flaw
What We Shall See And What We Saw
Previously Preached Peace
But We Witnessed War In The Raw
Why The Large Lie?
Via It For In Fame Infamy You Vie
For The Unjust Things You Do
It Should Not Apply
But The White House Justice Not For You
Thinking You Protect Us From Terrorism?
Where We Not Involved In The Power Grab Schism?
Gave Them The Weapons
Are You Learning Your Lessons
Political Unfit Convict Profit Crooks
Think They They Know The Dogma Lawbooks
But They Haven't A Clue
Of What To Do And What Is True
True Peace Is A Treat
Goal Is Wicked Defeat
We Are Not At Peace We Do Not Meet
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DiplomaticDivide
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I like it overall, Thoughtprovoker, it definitely provoked thoughts, I assume that was your intention ^^. But it needs woodshedding still, I'm afraid. Thankfully that part isn't too difficult.
In the line:
"Previously Preached Peace
But We Witnessed War In The Raw"
You have made an error in narration. Changing the narration is bad for the reader because it makes there mind slip. I suggest
"We Previously preached peace
But we witnessed War in the raw"
Or perhaps
"Previously preached peace
But witnessed war in the raw"
Now, to be honest, this isn't the first. This piece is filled with awkward verses, and I think the problem is that you're trying too hard to rhyme things together. Remember, sometimes it isn't all that important, don't sacrifice the meaning for the prose.http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/lyrics-review/40239-untitled-thus-far.html
Want to better the world? Critique my lyrics ^^