mixing?

Well, I have posted two seperate sets of lyrics on this site, and they have been reviewed. One of my "mentors" has suggested that i mix the two songs and try to incorporate parts of each into the other. I have started on this and I like the idea. If you could look at my other two posts and compare them to the sample at the end of this, could you tell me whcih you like better, the two seperate or the one with both of them combined
Heres the beginning I have:

I know that you can see my
breath frozen in the air
Yet you just keep running by
You can't even stop to stare
It seems the workd is on your side
and now its hard to see
because the stars and moon they seem to hide
the sun wont shed its light on me

I stare into the darkness you
created with your lies
illuminated only by
the glow of my own eyes
the darkness is encroaching
its cold grip is renowned
as i hear it approaching
I beg you to turn back around


So thats my beginning so far...what do you think of it?

It's great! I especially love the imagery.