Stuck With This

One of my former bandmates and long time friend just started a new band and asked me to be the songwriter. I agreed because I really wanted to get back into writing music again. That being said, there will probably be some pretty frequent posts by me in the future. This is the first one that I wrote for him. When you read this, keep in mind that the style is along the lines of the new Bullet For My Valentine album "Scream Aim Fire". Let me know what you think.

5 years has come and gone
And everything's the same.
A damaged heart turned cold remains
With nothing stored but blame.
When did we decide what's best is
To have nothing but the screaming?
Recent times has shown you careless,
Shown you no longer meaning...

Pre-chorus:
All the words were spoken for
Contentment, not contention.
Facades set in stone for rejection,
I linger for my contempt.

Chorus:
A lasting impression engraved
On the surface for my viewing
Turned away my final hope to
Ever come to knowing
Why this can't be mended.
My will has become pointless.
I see no end, the pain inflicted,
Leaving me stuck with this.

2 months ago, assumption became truth
As my absence grew too great.
Unintended harm shown through
Your face, creating my fate.
Can anything be said to
Take us away from the screaming?
I said I'm sorry, what more can be done
To solidify the meaning....

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Bridge:
There's nothing I can do,
I've done my best
To make things better.
I know it in my heart
The heaviness will leave
If things will just get better.
The phone beside me silent
Tells me no, but I must wait.
That shred of light can grow
To stop this bleeding soul.

Chorus

(A damaged heart turned cold)
That shred of light can grow
(The phone beside me silent)
To stop this bleeding soul.

i really like this actually. It has some great imagery in it and it flows VERY well....the onyl negative thing i would have to say is the first five lines of the bridge
"There's nothing I can do,
I've done my best
To make things better.
I know it in my heart
The heaviness will leave"

they seem a little bland and like they could be spiced up more, but except for the great job!

Good lyrics... If the band are a metalcore band why aren't they trying their own lyrics?

For 3 reasons. First, one of the guys is a really good friend of mine. We've already played together in bands and he trusts my thought process and style of writing. Next, thier too focused on writing complicated instrumentation to really worry about they lyrics right now. That's not to say that they haven't written any lyrics themselves. Last, I've seen some of their originals and, quite frankly, they really aren't that great. Not to mention I'm doing it for what I think is the most important reason.....it's getting me back into writing again.

Crap genre, and emo topic , however you write well all that.
I've said this before to some; change topic. Lets just face it.
To many songs are about love, longing and whining.
Try something a bit more exact and different.
e.g. making a short story, an event, a personality.

Good luck with further writing

Trust me, love and relationships are usually the last things I choose to write about. They're boring and overdone to me as well. It's just not interesting to me. But like I've said before, it was for my friend to use, not me. As for the genre, I guess it just depends on what you usually listen to. Usually if I write music for myself, it's much heavier and a lot more interesting. You should check out some of my other songs on here. There's only 2 or 3 others that are like this one.....if that, as a matter of fact. You may be surprised.

ok ill do that maybe

its very good..

Thank you for the back up Ultimate Worrier. And thank you Klukoklai for your opinions, I really do. I'm not going to say That Ultimate Worrier is right, but he's got the idea, so I'll just clarify the way I am when I write my music. I believe that I mentioned before that the songs I write are for mush heavier styles, kinda in the vein of such bands as Lamb Of God, Chimaira, Killswitch Engage, etc. . I also said I'm starting to write again so my buddy can have material for his band. He wanted one that sounded kinda like "Hearts Burst Into Fire" by Bullet For My Valentine, and this is what came out. Now, when I write songs, I honestly don't try to mimic the things that I hear because it became successful. I write about things that I have experienced and understand, regardless of what it is. This song is about a situation that I'm in right now, and it just so happened to be in the same general style as what I think is a power ballad. However, my friends rendition of it varies slightly from the one I'll end up making. Honestly, it will end up sounding something like Cemetery Gates. But that's just about the jist of it. I write what I've been through and what I know. Anything different is pretentious.