Kill the Silence.(Opinions wanted)

I'm not the best at English,hope its not to bad though.
It would mean the world if someone would give their opinion on this,and how i write.like i said,not to great at structure,not asking for like a lesson in english 101,just format wise i guess is what i am saying...Thank you very much.




V1-He met a girl in a dream he had.Thought he had a chance so he he took a stab(well take a stab)but when her faced turned his turned pail,now he's sitting there saying,"kill this silence.Can we can this silence?I want to kill this silence".

Ch1-He woulda loved her more than she could ever even hope for,even more than all the love there is and more.He would have held her tightly,never letting go(don't let her go).

V2-He met a girl in the book store,all his thoughts froze,all he did was adore.Her face(her face her face her face)her face and how it made him yearn for more.He fell in love in a moments notice(noticed what?)he had to notice.That she had turned(she turned)to walk away,she walked away....Never stopping to ask herself if-

Ch2-He woulda loved her more than she could have ever even hoped for,even more than all the love there is and was and more.Would he have held her tightly,never letting go?(don't let her go).


Bridge*Soft Guitar melody*(I was going to do lyrics here,but i couldn't for idk y.





Repeat Ch1-
end.

Should it maybe be a little bit longer?

I think it should be a little bit longer. Try expanding on the verse's you have right now, and maybe add a verse for after the Bridge. Even write lyrics for the Bridge if you wanted to.

Overall, I really enjoyed it. I could really relate to it. Keep it up !

Thank you very much.I am working on a bridge right now.I just have so many different thoughts that it's making it harder.

Well im glad your taking your time with it instead of writing a bridge thats clutterd everywhere (thought-wise). A really good bridge will make the song a lot stronger.