"Sinking Ships"

Hi, everyone! I just want to get your feedback on our song "Sinking Ships". If you want to listen to the song, I have it here (recorded through my cellphone):
http://jesuisglenn.multiply.com/musi...al_composition


Sinking Ships

I know I’ve reached the end of my trail
I choose to lose and I choose to fail
Life is a game that I’ll never win
Some sailors just don’t know how to swim

No more pain
No more pain

Telling myself what this is about
Checking myself for last-minute doubt
I have secrets to take to the grave
Some sinking ships can never be saved

No more pain
No more pain

This broken soul can never part seas
I prayed too much, God, look at my knees –
Bleeding ; You know how hopeless I feel
These wounds are just too festered to heal

Goodbye pain
Goodbye sorrow
Goodbye pain
Let me go

i really like that last paragraph, starting with "This broken soul...etc"
check out mine if you have the time