seductive killer (LOL) comments please

the clock strikes midnight
there's a cold shuffling in the dark
the terror of the moonlight begins the countdown to the end of your heart
no point to scream as his eye glimmers in to hers

the cries seem to dawn that Kelly may not be okay
now she wont even utter words promising that's she okay

the door slams surrounded with no chance of seeing the sun
one subtle blow his trademarks for ever imminent
the glass shattered from the window
to the cold blood stained on the carpet
seduced her then left her within a heartbeat
never knew if it was lust or pure intimidation

the cries seem to dawn that Kelly may not be okay
now she wont even utter words promising that's she okay

for months we've traced him but never found him
he always left taunting clues behind him
always has the terror aspect
so we don't know what to expect

the cries seem to dawn that Kelly may not be okay
now she wont even utter words promising that's she okay

to proud to accept
she got the wrong suspect
she got struck by she was left by a seductive killer

any plus or negatives about the lyrics let me know please.

Lol All I can think of when I hear those lyrics is michael Jackson's - smooth criminal???

it is quite heavily influenced by it lol.

Well keep it up man you dedicated that verse to someone? I just get that impression by the way it's written, if you have any comments on my work it'd be appreciated

yeah just a friend lol. will comment some of yours in a second mate .