Remeber Me

You never treated me well, know one did
You beat me like i was a kid
You said if i tell then i would be hurt
I thought that you loved me,but all love was burnt
You threw my face against the wall
I prayed to god that i wouldn't fall
You called me ugly and threatened that you will kill
A love we once had that's yet to reveal
My hurt is burning,no fire drill
I lost all hope that i once had
It took me a long time for me to realize that it was dead
I never wanted to lose my dignity
I told you stop,because you were killing me

[chorus]
You stabbed me in my back so hard
I just was alone my heart fell apart
I never wanted this to start
But i let you hurt me so bad
Let me tell you this before i'm dead
I want you to remember me
When i'm not alive you will see
That this was never meant to be
So,call me crazy,but i want you to remember what you did to me

[verse 2]

You punched me into i fell to the floor
I tried to get you out the door
But you slapped me and called me a *****
You laughed as my tears poured
I sat waiting,thinking this was a nightmare
I couldn't fight back , i was just to scared
I was lucky to not have a bruise on my eye
The pain was to much,i wanted to die
All i did was cry and cry
Left alone,wondering why

[repeat chorus]


[verse 3]

My body was sore and i could only tremble
Thinking of you as a abusive symbol
My heart was gone nothing to resemble when you shot me with a pistol
I kept screaming , telling you to stop
I closed my eyes to embrace another pop
I couldn't take it anymore,i just dropped
To the floor,holding my chest
You stood there smiling as if you were impressed
Then you made your little test
And tried your best to melest
You took my future
You took my soul
You took,everything i had to hold
I realized loving you was nothing bold


[repeat chorus]

This is good so far! Nice and emotional. Try to remember about spacing however, after a comma ( , ) you have a space.

This is wrong: He kicked the ball,playing in the garden.

This is correct: She watched him play, wishing she could join.

Thanks,your songs are great to.

It's tragicaly beautiful. that's the best i can describe it.

Thanks,do you think remember me is a good title.

it's very good. It supports the feeling of the song

Thanks for the feed back because i was about to change it.lol

beautiful and emotional, and I love the chorus

Thank you so much, lyricsangel .

very good

I'm thinking this is a rock or alt rock lyric. Assuming that, very good, raw and emotional. I do disagree with previous posts that seem to say all is perfect. In my opinion, your instincts to make a few changes were spot on.

The one thing I'd caution is a few of the rhymes are telegraphing themselves which just drops interest level to near zero in those spots. Also some of the lines involving those same rhymes could be stronger. So if you want to improve it dramatically, identify those spots and put in just a tad more work.


Example:


I never wanted this to start (weak line and the rhyme word could be guessed a mile away...well, a few seconds away

My advice would be to maybe read this piece and then rewrite:

Knee-Jerk Rhyming - The Fatal Flaw That Could Cause Your Song to Be Rejected!

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Bill_E_Watson

Few lyrics spill out perfect for go-round including mine so don't feel bad unless you have an "S" on your chest and wear a cape : )


Timbo.

Why don't you ever say that my songs are just good.Everytime you comment them,there is always something wrong with it.Why can't they be good for once.Thanks for your comment anyway i guess.

great

very good

This is actually the only good song, that you have posted.Sorry, but try harder...