Horace's Aborted Rip-off Scheme lyrics
An operator by the name of Horace
made a deal with Jake'n Boris
'bout how the flop-house that they ran just had to go
so they planned to have an accident
pick up the thirty-three per-cent
and retire somewhere out of the snow.
They'd figured that the bigger the policy
the better so sent a letter
to the company in the know,
under-estimating the endurance
of the insurance-agents from outa town
who'd get their man and throw 'em in clink
for the great insurance shake-down rip-off
the faked-up take-all slip-off scheme.
They thought they'd have a fire
so endeavoured to aquire
the utensils necessary for the show
bought blow-lamps, pumps and matches
fire-lighter sticks in batches
and retired to the woods with all in tow.
They'd calculated that the smaller
the fuss they made the all-the-more
chance they had of pulling off the stunt
understimatin' the endurance
of the insurance agents from outa town
who always liked their money up-front
the great insurance shake down rip-off
the faked-up take-all slip-off scheme
Thought they'd take a dreamboat journey
to Malasia or Easter Island
teach those natives something useful
diggin' holes with style and status
The scheme wasn't perfect
but it didn't seem-to bad
It had a good chance of working
and it was the best one they had.
The great Insurance shake-down rip-off
the staked-out make-off baked-up chip-off
the faked up take-all slip-off scheme.
But the night before the accident
Horace had a premonition of the condition
he'd be in after an arrest
Boris would double-cross him
make off with the dough and toss him
into a pit of crocodiles and foul-pest aargh!
And he'd be chained down in a cell
up the hall-way from hell
and be a subject to crudities to a strainend degree
and the investore they would stone him
and that Jake, he would 'phone him
and inform him that it wouldn't work anyway
the Great Insurance shake-down rip-off
the baked-up make-off break-off slip-off scheme.