[Note: for further background on this thread, see these links:

http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=157483
http://www.musicheaven.gr/html/modul...c&topic=32037]

Amethystos -

If you have the time to translate these two different sets of lyrics into English, I would be very grateful.

I am asking because:

1) you have a great talent for translation, and I trust your English translations to communicate the true meaning of the Greek;

2) I would really like to compare the English versions of these two different sets of lyrics when they are both translated by the same person.

Also, please understand I am not asking you to give your opinion as to which set is "better". I am just asking you to translate them, if you have the time.

Alternative 1:

Να με δικάσεις αφου θές
για έγκλημα μεγάλο
δεν μπόρεσα απ' την καρδιά
μια στάλα να τη βγάλω

Εκείνη να δικάσετε
σκότωσε την καρδιά μου
και ίσως μ' άλλον να' φευγε
μια μέρα μακριά μου

Οτι κιαν πω θα σου φανεί
πως ειναι φαντασία
γιατι εσυ μόν' έμαθες
στην αριστοκρατεία.

Πριν με δικάσεις σκέψου το
θα είναι αδικία
η φτώχεια κι' η αγάπη μου
η μόνη αμαρτία


Alternative 2:

Ομολογώ το έγκλημα
κύριε Εισαγγελέα
κι άμα δεν ξέρεις το γιατί
θα είναι πιό ωραία

Να καταλάβεις δε μπορείς
τη στάση μου ετούτη
όταν στα πόδια της μπροστά
απλώσανε τα πλούτη

Μαχαίρι μέσα στην καρδιά
μου κάρφωσε και λιώνω
σαν έφυγε και μ' άφησε
στη φτώχεια και τον πόνο

Είναι βαθύς κι αβάσταχτος
ο πόνος της πληγής μου
κι εσείς καταδικάστε με
μέχρι να βγεί η ψυχή μου

Thread moved according to Greek translation section rules

I apologize, Amethystos - I thought that "miscellaneous translations" (in the title of this forum) meant translations of like words, or sentences, not whole sets of lyrics for songs. That's why I posted the request in the regular translation forum. Thank you for moving the thread instead of just deleting it.

Also, if you have the time to translate them, here are the original and the new choruses.

Original choruses:

Κυριε εισαγγελέα, μια αγάπη φευγαλέα
την δική μου δεν την λές
χρόνια παλευα για εκείνη, ο θεος μονό θα κρίνει
τις θυσίες τις πολλές

Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
εγω είμουν της ζωής
σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
τρέλα ήταν της στιγμής.

Alternative choruses:

Η γυναίκα της ζωής μου, έγινε η φυλακή μου
και δεν έχω πιά ζωή
όλα τ' άφησα ξοπίσω και δε θα ξαναγαπήσω
μια γυναίκα σαν κι αυτή

Η γυναίκα της ζωής μου, έγινε η φυλακή μου
για να λιώνω σαν κερί
όλα τ' άφησα ξοπίσω και δε θα ξαναγαπήσω
θα 'χω σβήσει ως το πρωί

Alternative 1:

Since you want to judge me
for a serious crime
I couldn't get her out of my heart
not even for a while

She's the one to be judged
she killed my heart
and maybe she would leave with another one
some day

Whatever I say may seem to you
like fiction
cause you're only used to
high society

Before you judge me think of it
it'll be misjudging
poverty and love
my only sins

Alternative 2:

I confess the crime
mr Prosecutor
and if you don't know the reason
it'll be better

You can't understand
this stance of mine
when in front of her
wealth was offered

A knife in my heart
is what she sticked and now I melt
when she left leaving me
in poverty and pain

Deep and unbearable is
the suffering of my wound
so you can give me a sentence
till the time my soul leaves me.


Original choruses:

Mr Prosecutor, sort-time loving
is not what you can call my feeling
I was fighting for her for years, God will judge
my many sacrifices

Mr Prosecutor, I was on the lower end
of social status
I killed cause I was scared, if they grabbed her I'ld be lost
it was a moment of insanity


Alternative choruses:

Woman of my life became my prison
and I've got no more life
I've left everything behind and I won't fall again
for a woman like her

Woman of my life became my prison
making me melt like a candle
I've left everything behind and I won't fall again
I'll be extinguished till the morning

I will say thank you, Amethystos, even though you always tell me not to say thanks.

As always, your translations are inspired. You really catch the feeling of the Greek in the English, and that's very very hard to do ... I know.

Duffy says he is not a "pro" lyricist, but even if he is just an "amateur", I think he wrote some pretty powerful lyrics, don't you? (His are the "alternative" verses.)

And he wrote them in less than a day. So I guess that's what happens when you have listened to as many Greek songs as he has - the words just come to you naturally !

Amethystos -

I think that Duffy has solved the problem of the first verse:

Ομολογώ το έγκλημα
κύριε Εισαγγελέα
μα δεν μπορείς ν' αντιληφθείς
πως μου 'ρθε η ιδέα

I belive this can be translated into English as

I confess the crime,
Mr Prosecutor.
But you cannot understand
how I got the idea (to do it).

and this is the right meaning.

But the composer would prefer Φανταστείς instead of αντιληφθείς, because the composer thinks that αντιληφθείς is too "over-educated" - the protagonist would not use this word.

So what do you think - do you think Φανταστείς is better, and do you think it will work with the rhythm just as good as αντιληφθείς ?

Originally Posted by David Halitsky

So what do you think - do you think Φανταστείς is better, and do you think it will work with the rhythm just as good as αντιληφθείς ?

Well as for the meaning they'll both do the job.
As for the rhythm, Φανταστείς having 3 syllables sounds better than αντιληφθείς with four.

OK - thanks.

Also, Panos (the composer) points out that the α of αντιληφθείς really isn't there, because it's "elided" with the α of να:

ν' αντιληφθείς

So, either way it's three syllables (four including να):

ν' αντιληφθείς

or

να Φανταστείς

So if it's OK with Duffy, we'll go with Φανταστείς, because you and the composer both think it's better.

Note: for further background on this song, see these links:

http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=157483
http://www.musicheaven.gr/html/modul...ic&topic=32037

Κυριε εισαγγελέα
Στίχοι: adaptation by "Duffy Dack" of English poem by David Halitsky
Μουσική: Panos Koutselinis
Feburary 2015

Κυριε εισαγγελέα

Bouzouki theme (for intro)

V1
Ομολογώ το έγκλημα
κύριε Εισαγγελέα
μα δεν μπορείς να Φανταστείς
πως μου 'ρθε η ιδέα

V2
Να καταλάβεις δε μπορείς
τη στάση μου ετούτη
όταν στα πόδια της μπροστά
απλώσανε τα πλούτη

C1
Κυριε εισαγγελέα, μια αγάπη φευγαλέα
την δική μου δεν την λές
χρόνια παλευα για εκείνη, ο θεος μονό θα κρίνει
τις θυσίες τις πολλές

C2
Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
εγω είμουν της ζωής
σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
οχι αυτό να μήν συμβεί ===> τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί

Bouzouki theme

V3
Είναι βαθύς κι αβάσταχτος
ο πόνος της πληγής μου ===> ο πόνος στην πληγή μου
κι εσείς καταδικάστε με
μέχρι να βγεί η ψυχή μου

C1
Κυριε εισαγγελέα, μια αγάπη φευγαλέα
την δική μου δεν την λές
χρόνια παλευα για εκείνη, ο θεος μονό θα κρίνει
τις θυσίες τις πολλές

C2
Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
εγω είμουν της ζωής
σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
οχι αυτό να μήν συμβεί ===> τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί

Well done guys

Sorry David for not responding to pms, I just now logged in.

Originally Posted by David Halitsky

C2
Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
εγω είμουν της ζωής
σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
οχι αυτό να μήν συμβεί

Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
εγω είμουν της ζωής
σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί - now this won't happen(sound good also and has the correct meaning)

I like that change very much, Duffy.

I will send to Panos right away - if he agrees, we may be able to get it into the final mix. The singer is doing a sample of voice on half the song today.

Thank you as always.

OK, Duffy - Panos is fine with the change - the line will be changed as you suggest

Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
εγω είμουν της ζωής
σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί

Note: for further background on this thread, see these links:

http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=157483
http://www.musicheaven.gr/html/modul...ic&topic=32037

Final version now on youtube:

Αλέξανδρoς Σιδηρόπουλος - Κύριε Εισαγγελέα

Congrats to all who were involved but especially to you David!
Even if it's still TOO LONG for a zebekiko, it really doesn't make you go bored, something truly difficult to achieve.

Well done my friend, well done!

Coming from you, that is a BIG compliment! Thank you!

Also, regarding the length - if we thought the song had any chance of being successful, we would have taken your earlier advice to shorten it to around 3:30 or so.

But since the song will never "sell" commercially, we figured we would just release the "true" version as it was written.