Help me out here?

Hi I just started writing this song but i cant come up with verses.. i have the chorus and i most likely wont change it but any suggestions might convince me to :\ heres the chorus:


Im wishing on a star
For the key to your heart
When i see you with her
I almost feel the hurt
And then i remember
but how could i forget
The reason we had broken up:
Because we only met

I might change it to a verse tho.. im unsure about this song....
so yeah any suggestions?
I might have put this under the wrong forum but i dont really care :P

and please no hate guys this is only my 5th song

Hi! Is this a country/folk song? I mean... It seems like a break-up country song. I like it. If you write country music, keep in mind the fact that country songs have a storyline. So, the first verse can be about the happy days you and him spent together and now he's having a great time with someone else. I imagine the 2nd verse being something like: " I'm fascinated by you baby / I don't know why can't you see / That I'd give everything to knw what we / Could be " . I don't know. That was just an idea, but maybe you can use it. ^_^

thank you i really appreciate it!!

I think this would work well as a first verse and then make a chorus using the whole wishing on a star idea brought up in the first line. The chorus should be relatively simple because its just the main point of the song so it needs to shine light on that main point and that should probably be the name of the song. This would work because your verses would give the main idea of the song and back your chorus while your chorus becomes the almost cry out for help. So, I keep wishing and wishing upon a star hoping that you will come so far but all you do is leave me with scares now I am left with this broken heart. I like this verse your inspiring me to write a similar song.

Originally Posted by Johnb31

I think this would work well as a first verse and then make a chorus using the whole wishing on a star idea brought up in the first line. The chorus should be relatively simple because its just the main point of the song so it needs to shine light on that main point and that should probably be the name of the song. This would work because your verses would give the main idea of the song and back your chorus while your chorus becomes the almost cry out for help. So, I keep wishing and wishing upon a star hoping that you will come so far but all you do is leave me with scares now I am left with this broken heart. I like this verse your inspiring me to write a similar song.

thanks for your advice and im so glad i can inspire you i looked at a post of yours and i really liked it so i appreciate the feedback

i was thinking of adding a line somewhere in there about how he could write a book about me but for him i couldnt write a panflet working on incorperating that in there right now

Star,
I'd seriously consider Rickey's suggestions.He's one of the best writers on this site.Also,he's always willing to help out someone that asks..Good lines Triple R.

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

Star,
I'd seriously consider Rickey's suggestions.He's one of the best writers on this site.Also,he's always willing to help out someone that asks..Good lines Triple R.

I ntoiced he waz REALLY good and i love the version you wrote! im taking everyoness suggestions so seriously and i appreciate every one of them so im taking everyones advice basically

Originally Posted by RickeyJoe

Here is a beginning verse for you, I added it and your chorus which I slightly tweaked to make sound better. Maybe this will help.

You were my knight
In shining armor
To hold me tight
Is what you had to offer
To protect me right
And uphold my honor

Im wishing on a star
For the key to your heart
When I see you with her
I can almost feel the hurt
And then I remember
What I could never forget
The reason we parted
Is the same reason we met

Mind if i steal this? Lol

Originally Posted by WishinOnAStar

Hi I just started writing this song but i cant come up with verses.. i have the chorus and i most likely wont change it but any suggestions might convince me to :\ heres the chorus:


Im wishing on a star
For the key to your heart
When i see you with her
I almost feel the hurt
And then i remember
but how could i forget
The reason we had broken up:
Because we only met

I might change it to a verse tho.. im unsure about this song....
so yeah any suggestions?
I might have put this under the wrong forum but i dont really care :P

and please no hate guys this is only my 5th song

Hi !

This chorus offers many possibilities. As Tania says it could be a country/folk songs, but it could also be very rhythmical, reflecting passion and
anger , feeling bad and sorry at the same time. I think the chorus tells already clearly what the message of the song is all about: your lover you only just have met is
hopping from one adventure to the next, a Story of Trial and Error, "but how could I forget the reason we had broken up, because we only met"
Well done indeed, WishinonaStar! You could refer to" the reason we had broken up" in whatever direction you want the song to go:
e.g. Are you feeling guilty, or do you believe he hasn't taken you serious? Why can't you find the key to his heart?
Rickey's suggestion is of course also possible, but certainly not the only one. He doesnot say so either.
Just keep going.
Make different verses and see what you like best. Remember, why the thought of writing this came up in your mind!
It might help

Unless your managers and recording studios want you to deliver tomorrow morning,lol

Nope no managers just me and a notebook thanks so much for the feedback!!

Originally Posted by WishinOnAStar

Nope no managers just me and a notebook thanks so much for the feedback!!

Bless you! My managers I all threw out. Creepy lot

lol i think :P

im almost done the song i think i editied some words in the chorus to suit the song better just to a past tense but im not posting it until its perfect

Nice lyrics. Ought to really be either verse 1,2 or 3. Then come up with a chorus, a catchy one, just like the verse. Guess what, at the end of the day, you will be having a nice song.

Thanks Wilson will do and I am going to surprise everyone who really knows me with this song I'll post what's so surprising if I end up posting the final version on here