Hey everyone this is a song I've been struggling to write lately and I don't feel it's complete yet but I do want to share it at the stage I am in. The next stage is to tear the song down a little bit and rebuild it in order to make it stronger. I hope you like it this song means a lot to me and I hope it does the same for you. "and you are left with no one near" credited to Amaryn

When you feel you are waiting
For someone to appear
In the darkness of an hour
In the darkness of your fear
And you wait here forever
For that one day to be clear
But fog casts over
And you are left with no one near
In the middle of nowhere
So far nothing can hear
And you stand atop the mountains
To scream out all your tears
"Chorus"
Will you walk
To save yourself
Will you lift your head
Up off the ground
And keep on moving
Keep on moving
Cause this life is worth the fight
This life is worth the fight
You just got to believe
Just believe


Do you wake up in the morning
Wondering why you are alone
Can you figure out why you're mourning
In this world that is so cold
Will you find an answer amidst nothing
And understand that life is an equation
That computers are still processing
But no answer appears
Chorus"
Will you walk
To save yourself
Will you lift your head
Up off the ground
And keep on moving
Keep on moving
Cause this life is worth the fight
This life is worth the fight
You just got to believe
Just believe
You got to believe
Just believe
"Bridge"
And all your dreams will come true
Just believe
And you will see
Everything you couldn't be
When you're standing
Atop that mountain
Will you stop and think
That this world
Is worth the fight
That this world is worth your life
Just believe
You got to believe...
"Chorus"
Will you walk
To save yourself
Will you lift your head
Up off the ground
And keep on moving
Keep on moving
Cause this life is worth the fight
This life is worth the fight
You just got to believe......
Just believe....
And everything will be alright
"Outro"
When you feel you are waiting
For someone to appear
In the darkness of an hour
In the darkness of you fear
Remember that I am here
And I will be your clear day
Just take my hand....
And Believe

I liked it a lot. I liked the rhymes and the flow.
I think the song would be "stronger" if you would change the "And you are left here" from the 1st verse. I'm sure it sounds nice and it helps with the rhymes, but it takes away a little the feeling and the mistery the 1st verse creates. 'Cuz it says "And you are left here/In the middle of nowhere". The ideas contradict each other (at least in my mind),'cuz "nowhere" and "here" don't do very well together.
The second thing that you can change are the lines "That computers are still processing /But no answer appears". I love the message that you get from the lines, but I think the words that stand up the most in the song are "mountain,fear,clear,morning",which make me think about nature and...just natural things (again,that's just the way I see things). So when you come and throw the word "computer" you take that away ( if I make any sense ). The verse ends a little too sudden. "But no answer appers"...That's so...short and...It almost feels...dry... Lol! Don't know how to explain. If you could make that a little more powerful ,it would make the song so much better.
I hope I made sense. I loved reading this song! It was great! These are just some things I thought might help you, but I know it's hard to change the lines in a song and actually make them stronger. I hope this helped a bit and I hope the post wasn't too long!

Good job Johnb31

John, you will become a Greek one of these days: great philosophers have been born there
Thanks for all these thoughts

@Tania: "and you are left here": I would leave out just the "here" as it's already clear where he/she is

I think that John brings in the computer as a thought in the background that they haven't solved the problem he talks about here -
and probably never will. Is that right, John?
You could, of course, put this thought apart and push it into a new poem, but it does not disturb me. Just an opinion, mine in this case.

Thank you Tania and I know what you mean there are some lines I want to fix and change but I also want to add more aspects to the song as well and that was the hope for the computer statement but I think it needs to be brought back to the natural aspects of the song. Also the idea with left here in the middle of nowhere it does contradict it's self but that was kind of the idea because its like saying I'm right here but I'm lost or like saying I'm found but I'm lost inside. That's sort of the idea behind that statement is the I know where I am but where am I really. No comment is too short lol I got excited when I saw your comment I love it when people really pour out their time and thoughts into one of my songs. It really helps me a lot. I want this song to be one of my best structurally, rhythmically and pretty much every aspect of a good song. This is one of those songs that is never complete. Thank you for commenting I appreciate it.

I need to find a line to replace and you are left here but one that has an ending rhyme with hear.

You already know how I feel about this masterpiece of a song.
Absolute Genius.

Originally Posted by Johnb31

I need to find a line to replace and you are left here but one that has an ending rhyme with hear.

What about " and you are left with no one near"? Just a humble suggestion, John.
IMO it fits also rhythmically.

I like that