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  1. #1
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Default Amethystos - would you have time to translate these two different sets of lyrics?

    [Note: for further background on this thread, see these links:

    https://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=157483
    http://www.musicheaven.gr/html/modul...c&topic=32037]

    Amethystos -

    If you have the time to translate these two different sets of lyrics into English, I would be very grateful.

    I am asking because:

    1) you have a great talent for translation, and I trust your English translations to communicate the true meaning of the Greek;

    2) I would really like to compare the English versions of these two different sets of lyrics when they are both translated by the same person.

    Also, please understand I am not asking you to give your opinion as to which set is "better". I am just asking you to translate them, if you have the time.

    Alternative 1:

    Να με δικάσεις αφου θές
    για έγκλημα μεγάλο
    δεν μπόρεσα απ' την καρδιά
    μια στάλα να τη βγάλω

    Εκείνη να δικάσετε
    σκότωσε την καρδιά μου
    και ίσως μ' άλλον να' φευγε
    μια μέρα μακριά μου

    Οτι κιαν πω θα σου φανεί
    πως ειναι φαντασία
    γιατι εσυ μόν' έμαθες
    στην αριστοκρατεία.

    Πριν με δικάσεις σκέψου το
    θα είναι αδικία
    η φτώχεια κι' η αγάπη μου
    η μόνη αμαρτία


    Alternative 2:

    Ομολογώ το έγκλημα
    κύριε Εισαγγελέα
    κι άμα δεν ξέρεις το γιατί
    θα είναι πιό ωραία

    Να καταλάβεις δε μπορείς
    τη στάση μου ετούτη
    όταν στα πόδια της μπροστά
    απλώσανε τα πλούτη

    Μαχαίρι μέσα στην καρδιά
    μου κάρφωσε και λιώνω
    σαν έφυγε και μ' άφησε
    στη φτώχεια και τον πόνο

    Είναι βαθύς κι αβάσταχτος
    ο πόνος της πληγής μου
    κι εσείς καταδικάστε με
    μέχρι να βγεί η ψυχή μου
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 02-28-2015 at 10:48 AM.

  2. #2
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Thread moved according to Greek translation section rules
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  3. #3
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    I apologize, Amethystos - I thought that "miscellaneous translations" (in the title of this forum) meant translations of like words, or sentences, not whole sets of lyrics for songs. That's why I posted the request in the regular translation forum. Thank you for moving the thread instead of just deleting it.

  4. #4
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Also, if you have the time to translate them, here are the original and the new choruses.

    Original choruses:

    Κυριε εισαγγελέα, μια αγάπη φευγαλέα
    την δική μου δεν την λές
    χρόνια παλευα για εκείνη, ο θεος μονό θα κρίνει
    τις θυσίες τις πολλές

    Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
    εγω είμουν της ζωής
    σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
    τρέλα ήταν της στιγμής.

    Alternative choruses:

    Η γυναίκα της ζωής μου, έγινε η φυλακή μου
    και δεν έχω πιά ζωή
    όλα τ' άφησα ξοπίσω και δε θα ξαναγαπήσω
    μια γυναίκα σαν κι αυτή

    Η γυναίκα της ζωής μου, έγινε η φυλακή μου
    για να λιώνω σαν κερί
    όλα τ' άφησα ξοπίσω και δε θα ξαναγαπήσω
    θα 'χω σβήσει ως το πρωί

  5. #5
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Alternative 1:

    Since you want to judge me
    for a serious crime
    I couldn't get her out of my heart
    not even for a while

    She's the one to be judged
    she killed my heart
    and maybe she would leave with another one
    some day

    Whatever I say may seem to you
    like fiction
    cause you're only used to
    high society

    Before you judge me think of it
    it'll be misjudging
    poverty and love
    my only sins

    Alternative 2:

    I confess the crime
    mr Prosecutor
    and if you don't know the reason
    it'll be better

    You can't understand
    this stance of mine
    when in front of her
    wealth was offered

    A knife in my heart
    is what she sticked and now I melt
    when she left leaving me
    in poverty and pain

    Deep and unbearable is
    the suffering of my wound
    so you can give me a sentence
    till the time my soul leaves me.


    Original choruses:

    Mr Prosecutor, sort-time loving
    is not what you can call my feeling
    I was fighting for her for years, God will judge
    my many sacrifices

    Mr Prosecutor, I was on the lower end
    of social status
    I killed cause I was scared, if they grabbed her I'ld be lost
    it was a moment of insanity


    Alternative choruses:

    Woman of my life became my prison
    and I've got no more life
    I've left everything behind and I won't fall again
    for a woman like her

    Woman of my life became my prison
    making me melt like a candle
    I've left everything behind and I won't fall again
    I'll be extinguished till the morning
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  6. #6
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    I will say thank you, Amethystos, even though you always tell me not to say thanks.

    As always, your translations are inspired. You really catch the feeling of the Greek in the English, and that's very very hard to do ... I know.

    Duffy says he is not a "pro" lyricist, but even if he is just an "amateur", I think he wrote some pretty powerful lyrics, don't you? (His are the "alternative" verses.)

    And he wrote them in less than a day. So I guess that's what happens when you have listened to as many Greek songs as he has - the words just come to you naturally !

  7. #7
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Amethystos -

    I think that Duffy has solved the problem of the first verse:

    Ομολογώ το έγκλημα
    κύριε Εισαγγελέα
    μα δεν μπορείς ν' αντιληφθείς
    πως μου 'ρθε η ιδέα

    I belive this can be translated into English as

    I confess the crime,
    Mr Prosecutor.
    But you cannot understand
    how I got the idea (to do it).

    and this is the right meaning.

    But the composer would prefer Φανταστείς instead of αντιληφθείς, because the composer thinks that αντιληφθείς is too "over-educated" - the protagonist would not use this word.

    So what do you think - do you think Φανταστείς is better, and do you think it will work with the rhythm just as good as αντιληφθείς ?
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 02-23-2015 at 01:30 PM.

  8. #8
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Halitsky View Post
    So what do you think - do you think Φανταστείς is better, and do you think it will work with the rhythm just as good as αντιληφθείς ?
    Well as for the meaning they'll both do the job.
    As for the rhythm, Φανταστείς having 3 syllables sounds better than αντιληφθείς with four.
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  9. #9
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    OK - thanks.

    Also, Panos (the composer) points out that the α of αντιληφθείς really isn't there, because it's "elided" with the α of να:

    ν' αντιληφθείς

    So, either way it's three syllables (four including να):

    ν' αντιληφθείς

    or

    να Φανταστείς

    So if it's OK with Duffy, we'll go with Φανταστείς, because you and the composer both think it's better.
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 02-25-2015 at 10:20 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Default Final version of Κυριε εισαγγελέα for re-translation here in this thread.

    Note: for further background on this song, see these links:

    https://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=157483
    http://www.musicheaven.gr/html/modul...ic&topic=32037

    Κυριε εισαγγελέα
    Στίχοι: adaptation by "Duffy Dack" of English poem by David Halitsky
    Μουσική: Panos Koutselinis
    Feburary 2015

    Κυριε εισαγγελέα

    Bouzouki theme (for intro)

    V1
    Ομολογώ το έγκλημα
    κύριε Εισαγγελέα
    μα δεν μπορείς να Φανταστείς
    πως μου 'ρθε η ιδέα

    V2
    Να καταλάβεις δε μπορείς
    τη στάση μου ετούτη
    όταν στα πόδια της μπροστά
    απλώσανε τα πλούτη

    C1
    Κυριε εισαγγελέα, μια αγάπη φευγαλέα
    την δική μου δεν την λές
    χρόνια παλευα για εκείνη, ο θεος μονό θα κρίνει
    τις θυσίες τις πολλές

    C2
    Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
    εγω είμουν της ζωής
    σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
    οχι αυτό να μήν συμβεί ===> τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί

    Bouzouki theme

    V3
    Είναι βαθύς κι αβάσταχτος
    ο πόνος της πληγής μου ===> ο πόνος στην πληγή μου
    κι εσείς καταδικάστε με
    μέχρι να βγεί η ψυχή μου

    C1
    Κυριε εισαγγελέα, μια αγάπη φευγαλέα
    την δική μου δεν την λές
    χρόνια παλευα για εκείνη, ο θεος μονό θα κρίνει
    τις θυσίες τις πολλές

    C2
    Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
    εγω είμουν της ζωής
    σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
    οχι αυτό να μήν συμβεί ===> τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 03-24-2015 at 05:53 PM.

  11. #11
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Well done guys

    Sorry David for not responding to pms, I just now logged in.
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Halitsky View Post
    C2
    Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
    εγω είμουν της ζωής
    σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
    οχι αυτό να μήν συμβεί

    Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
    εγω είμουν της ζωής
    σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
    τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί - now this won't happen(sound good also and has the correct meaning)
    Αν υπάρχει κάτι που δεν χρειάζεται την πλειοψηφία για να είναι σωστό, αυτό είναι η ανθρώπινη συνείδηση.

  13. #13
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    I like that change very much, Duffy.

    I will send to Panos right away - if he agrees, we may be able to get it into the final mix. The singer is doing a sample of voice on half the song today.

    Thank you as always.

  14. #14
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    OK, Duffy - Panos is fine with the change - the line will be changed as you suggest

    Κύριε εισαγγελέα, στα σκαλία τα τελευταία
    εγω είμουν της ζωής
    σκοτωσα γιατί φοβόμουν, αν την πέρναν θα χανόμουν
    τώρ' αυτό δεν θα συμβεί

  15. #15
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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  16. #16
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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  17. #17
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Congrats to all who were involved but especially to you David!
    Even if it's still TOO LONG for a zebekiko, it really doesn't make you go bored, something truly difficult to achieve.

    Well done my friend, well done!
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to Amethystos For This Useful Post:
    David Halitsky (04-24-2015)

  19. #18
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Coming from you, that is a BIG compliment! Thank you!

    Also, regarding the length - if we thought the song had any chance of being successful, we would have taken your earlier advice to shorten it to around 3:30 or so.

    But since the song will never "sell" commercially, we figured we would just release the "true" version as it was written.

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